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Handed over forwarding address for my ex-housemate to debt collection companies etc. But he completely [email protected] me and my other housemate over, stealing our stuff and trashed the place, so I don't feel guilty.

Your untaxed driver is also stealing from us, in a not so direct way. I would have no qualms over grassing on him, but whether I would actually bother my arse to do it or not I don't know. Unless I had a particular dislike for the guy I probably wouldn't.

I'd grass up the wino though, I think there's a £50 reward for grassing up a drink driver..
 

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I'd grass up the wino though, I think there's a £50 reward for grassing up a drink driver..
Is that the current exchange rate for 30 pieces of silver.....:tut:
 

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He could crash and kill someone. I don't care even if they were a good friend. I would tell them that if they did it again I would call the police.

Dear oh dear. Does he value the lives of his family.. :(
 

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Is that the current exchange rate for 30 pieces of silver.....:tut:
He's drink driving, its not like a bit of tax evasion, its pretty serious stuff.. Besides, my point about the £50 was tongue in cheek.. He could kill someone after all.

He could crash and kill someone. I don't care even if they were a good friend. I would tell them that if they did it again I would call the police.
If it was a mate of mine doing it I would have a word first and foremost. If he insisted I'd be straight on to the cops. If it was a casual aquaintence, I'd be straight to the police without having a word first.
 

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If he did crash and kill them Will you would probably feel guilty for not "grassing him up"


Anyway this is diverting from the original point. The offender involved is a colleague and not a friend. It's very different if you ask me.
 

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It's ok Gibbo, you can give me a kicking on this one I know I'm wrong...:(
:lol: I wasn't going to actually. I don't want to appear holier than thou ;)

It can be very difficult to do the right thing sometimes and everso easy to sit back and say what the right thing is when you're not faced with the dilema. I wonder how many of those who point out the ideal course of action have actually had to make the decision other than when watching Eastenders or some other soap situation.

I've never had to make the decision so I can't really comment other than to say I would like to think that I would take the better decision but in the real situation I can't guarantee it.
 
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And the £50 could buy a few decent bottles of red after all......


Alfalincs
 

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I think the best I can do in this case is to approach him and tell him that if I ever suspect that he drinks and drives again I'll have no alternative but to report him.

I have to say I was shocked at his partner. She really ought to have insisted on driving - heck it was her son in the back seat. problem there of course is she's living in denial! But I should also have ran out to the car and said something, I've felt guilty about that ever since.

Any of you guys going to admit to "whistleblowing" on your friends?

No pressure mind, just intereseted to see if your hand has ever been in that particular fire.
You have a lot of sympathy from me Will. We all know what the right thing to do is, but it's not an easy decision to make.
 

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I think you should have a word with the guy in question and tell him your concerns to his face and also give him the link to this thread so he can see what has been said about him :eek: .
 

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Badgers, Bazza,

Thanks guys, I much appreciate your understanding.

I went home last night kinda feeling a bit bullied and I'm still wrestling with my conscience.

It's not that I haven't spoken to him directly - I have, on several occasions, but he is a pretty sad guy at the moment and he's going through seven shades of brown stuff in his life, not all of his making. He needs support for his and his wider families sake.


By grassing him up I would simply be putting the boot into him and to me that would be the worst possible thing to do to a friend in need.

There has to be a more intelligent solution to this and I'll rack my brains to find one way before I condemn him to the law.
 

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Anyway this is diverting from the original point. The offender involved is a colleague and not a friend. It's very different if you ask me.
You're quite right and indeed the consequences in this case are far less severe. I don't think I'd have a big problem .
 
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With regard to the crap in his life, isn't alcohol likely to be a big part of that crap? Sooner or later he's going to have to deal with his alcohol problem, with respect to driving and all the other parts of his life.
 

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With regard to the crap in his life, isn't alcohol likely to be a big part of that crap? Sooner or later he's going to have to deal with his alcohol problem, with respect to driving and all the other parts of his life.
Alcohol actually plays a very small part in the crap of his life although it certainly doesn't help.

He got out of an unloving marriage around four years ago. he's found a new partner who loves him deeply, trouble is he hasn't fallen out of love with his first wife - it was she who didn't love him, not the other way round.

In the last six months he's undergone two knee operations which unfortunatley haven't been successful and he is in considerable pain and can hardly walk. He's a very keen and knowledgable sailor but now can't go anywhere near his boat.

He hates his job - but will probably be pensioned off because of his knees.

His relationship with his own daughters have deteriorated and one of those is now dispalying symptoms of overdrinking...

He doesn't see it but from where I stand I think his life is on the verge of collapse, if he's not carefull. If his relationship with his new partner were ever to breakdown he could end up on the street...we've all seen the type, flogging Big Issue (if they're lucky!!)

He is, of course, his own worst enemy in not seeking help and acknowledging his alcohol problem, but I cannot and will not abandon him.

So you see, not all is as it seems from the outside without a full picture.
 

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Will, you're definitely in an unenvyable position with this one. Very difficult despite what people say to the contrary :(
Agree entirely. It's very easy, from a distance, to say "you should just..." but the closer you are to this type of situation and the more you appreciate the implications the harder it gets.
 
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I don't think people are saying it's easy. I'd say people have looked at how high the stakes are in making their recommendations.

With any luck he'll hit a tree first, or get pulled over for erratic driving or whatever.
 

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I don't think people are saying it's easy. I'd say people have looked at how high the stakes are in making their recommendations.

With any luck he'll hit a tree first, or get pulled over for erratic driving or whatever.
I disagree.

Most comments seem to think it's a black and white choice - whereas I think it's complex and involved. The easy solution might prevent an accident but will not prevent chaos and misery to a number of innocent parties close to home.

The best solution would be for him to finally realise he has a problem and set forth on a path to complete recovery - better for him, better for his family and better for the general public as a whole.

But that's the tricky part - how to achieve it? His GP is also a fellow pal and he says there is nothing further he can do 'til he admits he has a problem and asks for help.
 

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doesnt want to go through the hassle of trying to recliam the remaining months..
No two ways about this one, report him as he's taking the p*ss because he's lazy. Pure and simple.

To Will, I've been in the exact same position as you with someone close and I admit it is tough. However, you can sit there and complain that it's difficult to say or do something and watch him drive off with his family in the car, but it's a no brainer... simply take away the keys.

I have had to do it, and had blazing rows as a consequence. Afterwards, when sober, we had a talk about it and the guy agreed I had done the right thing.

I wouldn't be able to know he'd driven off and be happy with the thought "Well, I tried to tell him not to", I couldn't live with myself.

If they really are a friend they'd understand what you were trying to do.
 
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Well, yes, it comes down to intervene or not, black or white, one or the other. I don't think dobbing him in is easy, though, even if I think it's likely the right thing to do, including for him.

If he needs help as much as you suggest, something is going to happen to force him to acknowledge it. As I say, I hope it involves a tree and not me. I've already had some of that.
 
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