I'm nit suggesting it's easy, Will far from it.

Good luck with it anyway.

 

...

 

It's ok Gibbo, you can give me a kicking on this one I know I'm wrong...

 

I think the best I can do in this case is to approach him and tell him that if I ever suspect that he drinks and drives again I'll have no alternative but to report him.

I have to say I was shocked at his partner. She really ought to have insisted on driving - heck it was her son in the back seat. problem there of course is she's living in denial! But I should also have ran out to the car and said something, I've felt guilty about that ever since.

Any of you guys going to admit to "whistleblowing" on your friends?

No pressure mind, just intereseted to see if your hand has ever been in that particular fire.

 

I.

Any of you guys going to admit to "whistleblowing" on your friends?

No pressure mind, just intereseted to see if your hand has ever been in that particular fire.

Hi,
Will,
Not quite whistle blowing.
just a stand up argument
ending with me throwing my friends car keys
in my fish pond,
followed by me and my friend,
we still laugh at it now.
whenever one is in his cups the word,
fishpond, seems too produce howls of
laughter.
guess thats true friendship.
John.

 

I believe you want to use this form..

Reporting of unlicensed vehicles on the public highway

 

Handed over forwarding address for my ex-housemate to debt collection companies etc. But he completely f@cked me and my other housemate over, stealing our stuff and trashed the place, so I don't feel guilty.

Your untaxed driver is also stealing from us, in a not so direct way. I would have no qualms over grassing on him, but whether I would actually bother my arse to do it or not I don't know. Unless I had a particular dislike for the guy I probably wouldn't.

I'd grass up the wino though, I think there's a £50 reward for grassing up a drink driver..

 

I'd grass up the wino though, I think there's a £50 reward for grassing up a drink driver..

Is that the current exchange rate for 30 pieces of silver.....:tut:

 

He could crash and kill someone. I don't care even if they were a good friend. I would tell them that if they did it again I would call the police.

Dear oh dear. Does he value the lives of his family..

 

If he did crash and kill them Will you would probably feel guilty for not "grassing him up"


Anyway this is diverting from the original point. The offender involved is a colleague and not a friend. It's very different if you ask me.

 

Anyway this is diverting from the original point. The offender involved is a colleague and not a friend. It's very different if you ask me.

You're quite right and indeed the consequences in this case are far less severe. I don't think I'd have a big problem .

 

And the £50 could buy a few decent bottles of red after all......


Alfalincs

 

I think you should have a word with the guy in question and tell him your concerns to his face and also give him the link to this thread so he can see what has been said about him .

 

Badgers, Bazza,

Thanks guys, I much appreciate your understanding.

I went home last night kinda feeling a bit bullied and I'm still wrestling with my conscience.

It's not that I haven't spoken to him directly - I have, on several occasions, but he is a pretty sad guy at the moment and he's going through seven shades of brown stuff in his life, not all of his making. He needs support for his and his wider families sake.


By grassing him up I would simply be putting the boot into him and to me that would be the worst possible thing to do to a friend in need.

There has to be a more intelligent solution to this and I'll rack my brains to find one way before I condemn him to the law.

 

With regard to the crap in his life, isn't alcohol likely to be a big part of that crap? Sooner or later he's going to have to deal with his alcohol problem, with respect to driving and all the other parts of his life.

 

Alcohol actually plays a very small part in the crap of his life although it certainly doesn't help.

He got out of an unloving marriage around four years ago. he's found a new partner who loves him deeply, trouble is he hasn't fallen out of love with his first wife - it was she who didn't love him, not the other way round.

In the last six months he's undergone two knee operations which unfortunatley haven't been successful and he is in considerable pain and can hardly walk. He's a very keen and knowledgable sailor but now can't go anywhere near his boat.

He hates his job - but will probably be pensioned off because of his knees.

His relationship with his own daughters have deteriorated and one of those is now dispalying symptoms of overdrinking...

He doesn't see it but from where I stand I think his life is on the verge of collapse, if he's not carefull. If his relationship with his new partner were ever to breakdown he could end up on the street...we've all seen the type, flogging Big Issue (if they're lucky!!)

He is, of course, his own worst enemy in not seeking help and acknowledging his alcohol problem, but I cannot and will not abandon him.

So you see, not all is as it seems from the outside without a full picture.

 

Will, you're definitely in an unenvyable position with this one. Very difficult despite what people say to the contrary

 

Agree entirely. It's very easy, from a distance, to say "you should just..." but the closer you are to this type of situation and the more you appreciate the implications the harder it gets.

 

I don't think people are saying it's easy. I'd say people have looked at how high the stakes are in making their recommendations.

With any luck he'll hit a tree first, or get pulled over for erratic driving or whatever.

 

I disagree.

Most comments seem to think it's a black and white choice - whereas I think it's complex and involved. The easy solution might prevent an accident but will not prevent chaos and misery to a number of innocent parties close to home.

The best solution would be for him to finally realise he has a problem and set forth on a path to complete recovery - better for him, better for his family and better for the general public as a whole.

But that's the tricky part - how to achieve it? His GP is also a fellow pal and he says there is nothing further he can do 'til he admits he has a problem and asks for help.

 

doesnt want to go through the hassle of trying to recliam the remaining months..

No two ways about this one, report him as he's taking the p*ss because he's lazy. Pure and simple.

To Will, I've been in the exact same position as you with someone close and I admit it is tough. However, you can sit there and complain that it's difficult to say or do something and watch him drive off with his family in the car, but it's a no brainer... simply take away the keys.

I have had to do it, and had blazing rows as a consequence. Afterwards, when sober, we had a talk about it and the guy agreed I had done the right thing.

I wouldn't be able to know he'd driven off and be happy with the thought "Well, I tried to tell him not to", I couldn't live with myself.

If they really are a friend they'd understand what you were trying to do.

 

Well, yes, it comes down to intervene or not, black or white, one or the other. I don't think dobbing him in is easy, though, even if I think it's likely the right thing to do, including for him.

If he needs help as much as you suggest, something is going to happen to force him to acknowledge it. As I say, I hope it involves a tree and not me. I've already had some of that.

 

There has to be a solution which doesn't involve the drastic action of involving the Police. Gone are the days when you could ask a friendly Bobby to "have a word"...If I report him to the Police he'll get caught, lose his licence, lose his job, lose his money, lose his house etc, etc.

It's a huge step to take and I'm not doing, regardless of anything anyone says on here. I acknowledge that I am on the wrong side of the fence in an absolute sense, but there you go.

 

You are totally wrong on this. If he is, as you say, an alcoholic, he has no regard for you, for his partner or for anyone else. As someone said above, lets hope he hits a tree first.

If you don't want to report him ask someone else to. If you want my phone number I will let you know, you can give me a call the next time he is out and about and I will call the local station for you. A friendly word with a Bobby will not help.

All the house, job, knees, boat stuff is a personal tradgedy but it shouldn't be allowed to become a tragedy for someone else.

You really know you would be right to call him in.

 

Let's hope he gets caught sooner rather than later.

 

What about the law Will....

You are technically an accessory....



Chris

 

No, he's not. He has no duty of care to prevent others from doing this.

 

Yes he is....different from being an accomplice in a crime...

Knowledge of the crime
To be convicted of an accessory charge, the accused must generally be proved to have had actual knowledge that a crime was going to be, or had been, committed. Furthermore, there must be proof that the accessory knew that his or her action, or inaction, was helping the criminals commit the crime, or evade detection, or escape. A person who unknowingly houses a person who has just committed a crime, for instance, may not be charged with an accessory offense because they did not have knowledge of the crime.


Its not likely that anyone would ever be charged accept extrodinary circumstances, but it does happen.

Will: report him now - for your own peace of mind, although I understand your angst on this....


Chris

 

Right or wrong, I know I wouldn't say anything.

 

Ditto, and I do not believe I have any obligation in a legal sense to report him.

As for delegating the task to a third party, Big Red, you really must be joking - that would be the true action of a coward. If any reporting is to be done then it would be by me.

What I have is a moral dilemna - if and when it happens again I will forcefully take his keys off him or insist his partner drives. If they both refuse, then I can do no more - although if there are other friends present I would hope and assume they would provide moral back-up for me.

I do not intend to post further on this thread. My apologies to the thread starter for having unwittingly hi-jacked it.

 

Will,

you should realise that by not stopping your friend from DUI, should he be caught, things are going to get worse for him. Should he get caught after he's piled into another car/house/person/child he's going to loose his licence, a lot of money, and could end up behind bars depending on he shunt.
Happened to a good friend of mine (before I knew him) and two years without a licence is not good for work, life or home relationships!

You've got a loose/loose situation weather you report him- help him- or leave him. I think you'd be better off considering what is preferable.
It seems to me you're assuming the options are intervien or wait till he sees sence, but the latter may never happen or only be triggered by something rather unpleasant.

 

His life will of course improve if he kills a cyclist when drunk, then he will feel even more guilty...however I don't envy you one bit Will

He's gone now, but we have had an alcoholic doing gas work dangerously in our work force for years. The tenants know it..none have reported him..the workforce knows it....nobody has reported it, including me..the boss knows and has done nothing..and here is the nub. He is the bosses dad.

Now what do you do? All I ever did was take the boss aside and tell him privately the worst things I found..and they were duly covered up. I should have reported him to Corgi of course...and found a new job..of course...

When faced with these dilemmas we often avoid what we know we ought to do as its the line of least resistance in our lives. Nobody likes whistleblowers..just read the paper and see what happens to them!

Hope you can help sort him out Will.

AlfaLincs

 

A sensitive and well-considered post AL :thumbs:: it puts the moral dilemma issue very clearly.

Thankfully I've never been in this position. Good wishes to you Will in however you decide to proceed.

 

Remind him that his insurance will be void if involved in an accident.
AND TELL HIM FROM ME HE IS A PR*CK!!!!

 

I love the title, gets me going .
It sort of follows on from what I posted on Al's thread women on page 8.

Well the mother of my 2 son's ,one pictured on Al's thread who was beaten by the step father & stood by him, has been squeezing my wife & me since 1994 through the CSA .
My wife had to get 2 jobs while I just seemed to live at work so we could survive the CSA payments. Anyway
it turns out that these 2 lovely people have been cheating the benefit system for quite a few years & were caught out good & proper ,No it was not me ,only because had I done this my sons would never have forgiven me & they are worth more to me than that.
Well on Monday they will have there Just deserts & I will be going along to watch, yes I feel smug & why not?!!have look

To think my wife & my daughter have had to go without for years because we were paying the CSA hundreds oh ££'s per month & all the time they were cashing in??

A Bristol husband and wife who dishonestly claimed £56,000 in benefits have been given 12-month suspended prison sentences. Sonia and Richard Nicholls had been landlord and tenant when they...