Alfa Romeo Forum banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,211 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."


THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and
Said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
So, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An older couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor who,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh,
And remember...
We all say things we don't really mean,
So think before you speak
 
K

·
Guest
Joined
·
0 Posts
I used to work with a very nice, but ever so slightly dippy, woman called Carol. One day Carol was going off to a training course in Trafford. As she had no car she was using the bus or, in this case, a series of buses. She waited for the final bus she needed for what seemed like hours. Eventually she decided enough was enough and enquired of the bloke next to her in the queue "Excuse me, are you waiting for a 69 too?"
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
38,310 Posts
Some really good ones. :cheese:
 
R

·
Guest
Joined
·
0 Posts
:lol:

Reminds me of the time years ago when I worked in a bus garage in Glasgow, one day I walked into the canteen and saw a conductress I had not seen for ages, I wandered over and said "Hi Rachael why are you looking so sad, you look like someone has died", the canteen went silent as a voice whispered in my ear "Rachaels husband commited suicide 2 weeks ago".............me and my big mouth :eek: :lol:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
380 Posts
Not as good but one of the girls walked in the office Monday and announced she'd spent hours trimming her bush and got bitten everywhere!!

Ok maybe you needed to be there still makes me giggle :cheese:
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
45,148 Posts
I usually cynically think these things are all made up, but I've actually seen the clip of the news anchor '8 inches' blooper.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,801 Posts
When I worked in a Curry's superstore years ago, a guy came across to me and said "is it OK to bring dogs into the store?"

I said "yes...no problem".

He said "cool... I'll go and get my wife". Me and my boss started to laugh, and so did he when he realised what he'd said.

She was stood outside with the dog.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top