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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Obviously this is tongue in cheek and laced in ignorance, so disclaimers and excuses-in-early apply. But it’s kinda topical.

When I was a kiddy, I went to a Roman Catholic school. A week or so before Chrimbo, we had a special assembly to hear ‘the greatest story ever told.’

Despite the initial intrigue, its signifance was lost on me and after such a big build up, I was quite underwhelmed. In my young and stupid mind, this story boiled down to a baby being born and, as my cousin had recently given birth to one - and quite a noisy one to boot - I didn’t see what all the excitement was about.

Plus, I’d only recently seen ET at the cinema and I’ve got to say, in comparison, that was a much better story, plus it had BMXs and a UFO in it.

Expectations. They’re not what they used to be. Or maybe they are. I dunno (y)
 

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😄 I loved Christmas because I got stuff and TV was (seemed) good! I did all the RC schools **** too, for what good it did me.

I don't remember ever being told the greatest story. They were all boring stories back then. Not sure/can't remember if any were religious or not?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Pretty certain the greatest story ever told* had a religious bent to it ;-)

* not ET
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Yeah, pretty sure he’s kinda central to it. No mention of him having an extendable neck like ET though, so loses some coolness marks there :)
 

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I don't know if there's ever been any peer review to establish whether it truly is the greatest story ever told.

I mean, it doesn't even have lasers in it.

And my mate once told me the monkey bath joke and it took him about an hour because he's terrible at telling jokes. I was in tears of laughter throughout - to the extent that a large portion of my khaki t-shirt I was wearing at the time was a darker colour when he finished. I think, in that moment, that might have been the greatest story ever told.

Of course - I was very, very drunk at the time.
930452


That is especially relevant because it was Christmas Eve in the pub about 10 years ago.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I suspect the only peer review it has had was conducted by the priests that keep telling us it is the greatest story ever told. And I have a hunch they are biased.

I shudder to ask this... what is the monkey bath joke? Please tell me there is no ejection of ping pong balls from places you wouldn’t normally expect to see ping pong balls ejected from.

:eek: :D
 

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Not all of my stories involve ping pong balls.

It's probably less than 50%, although I haven't measured.

The monkey bath joke (and the brevity of this gives you a good idea how ridiculous it was that this genuinely took more than an hour to tell) is:

There are two monkeys in a bath.
The first monkey goes [makes enthusiastic monkey noises].
The second monkey says "well run some cold water then."
 

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Discussion Starter #9
From that description alone, I think I need to know the monkey joke :)
 

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Actually, either the following year, or the previous year (I lose track, it was a long time ago) on Christmas Eve again, and in the same pub, drinking the same drink (a Christmas glass of champers) he told another joke which might have been even worse / better. That was what is called in hushed tones: The Bee Joke.

(Possibly only when you're drunk) there's something incredibly funny about a joke told really badly, but in a particular way.

The bee joke got a massive credibility boost a few years back when Stephen Fry told it on QI.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
So what we are seeing here is the 50% of jokes you know that don’t involve the ejection of ping pong balls, the remaining 50% involve animals or insects. That’s quite a picture. :D :cool:

(Agree 100% about a badly told good joke esp when a bit tipsy :cool:)
 

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Possibly. Oh - I know one about Switzerland too*. I told it to some Swiss people a few weeks back and it went down reasonably well.

The bee joke, in shortened form:
A man stays in a Scottish B&B, and when he goes down for breakfast he finds that the owner is extremely miserly. He orders porridge and gets a teacup full. So he orders a full cooked breakfast, and gets a tiny sausage, a single rasher of bacon, etc, etc.
Finally he orders toast with honey, and received a single soldier of toast with a single drop of honey in the middle.
He turns to the proprieter and says:
"I see you have a bee!" (line delivered in outrageously bad Scottish accent for best effect)



*They groaned, but didn't stop talking to me.

**What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I now know the monkey bath joke (y)
 

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Discussion Starter #14
**What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?
Is it coming to the Uk to hear jokes?

I like the bee joke (y)

I am rubbish at telling jokes though. Either I forget them (I can’t recall them) or after I deliver the punchline the audience’s bemusement tells me that once again I left out a fundamental part of the story telling which renders the punchline useless or nonsensical; or both :-(
 

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Well the flag is a big plus.

Your joke telling sounds quite a lot like my mate. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Well the flag is a big plus.

Your joke telling sounds quite a lot like my mate. ;)
Boom boom!! I like that joke. I may even attempt that one. I’ll get the wrong sign though and say ‘it can’t be divided’ or something daft like that.
 

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Well, I've well and truly trashed your thread. :eek:
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Lol no stress. It’s more fun when they derail so don’t worry about it, sir (y)
 

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It's coz there's not much honey, innit?
 
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