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Old Derek & Clive gag; "My mate Norm - he got infected with carpet. He's always let people walk all over 'im".
 

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One for the ladies...

Why is a man like a floor tile? Because if you lay it right the first time around you can walk all over it for years.
 

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I think I've used this before. Sorry no that wasn't the joke.

What's the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole fkin chicken.
 

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Feeling a bit smug tonight as I’ve just finished my 30th marathon since lockdown began... I’ll never get used to calling them Snickers.
 
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