++++ WARNING, THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS MAJOR RANTAGE ++++
Those of a calm disposition should stop reading here.
You've been warned.
Check-In
If you're late arriving at the airport and the flight is closed, don't
start *****ing to the check-in clerk. You're late. It's your problem.
Stop wasting everybody else's time arguing and go see a ticketing
clerk about another flight.
Check-in is when you put everything that is not hand luggage
into the hold. This is very important.
Unfortunately there are no current terror alerts to force people to
check-in all their over-packed luggage and detritus.
2 piece of hand luggage does not mean:
a suitcase, a briefcase, a laptop bag, a cosmetics bag, an overcoat and a carrier-bag of duty free.
Stop wasting everyone's time when boarding a plane and stowing all
your **** by CHECKING SOME OF IT IN!
Security
Get in line early. I don't care if your flight leaves 5 minutes before
mine. You are not going in front. Try getting to the airport
just a little bit earlier.
Don't wait until you get to the metal detector to start unpacking all
the liquids and your laptop and taking off your three layers of outdoor
clothing. Use some ****ing common sense and get ready whilst in
that long line. The line is long because of people like you.
Yes you need to take that big-buckle belt off and if you have steel
toecaps, take those shoes off too. Every time you have to re-pass
through that metal detector, the hundred people behind you
are thinking your are a total dick.
Boarding
When they call for boarding by row, don't try and get on early.
You'll only get told to wait at one side, wasting time.
No one is going to take your seat. It's yours. (Unless you're flying
EasyJet, in which case: tough. You pay budget, you get budget.)
Don't saunter down the aisle with your 6 bags over your shoulder
banging them into everyone's heads. Or awkwardly wheeling them
banging them into people's legs. If you can't carry it properly, CHECK IT THE **** IN!
If you can't raise it into the overhead locker without help, CHECK IT THE **** IN!
Don't b*tch about having to put it under the seat in front.
It's only an hour flight, deal with it. The reason the lockers are full
is because people like you bring too much hand luggage on board.
CHECK IT THE **** IN!
Don't expect people to give up their aisle seat so you can sit next
to your colleague and bore them with your latest powerpoint
presentation through the entire flight. if it's that important to you,
plan ahead, check-in on line and get seats together, you
self-important high flyer, you.
Electronic Items
They asked you nicely to switch off phones/laptops/etc.
I know technically there is no real reason, but you're
on their plane, it's their rule, they asked nicely.
SO JUST ****ING DO IT!
Take-off
Don't recline your seat all the way back once the seatbelt
sign is switched off. You selfish ****. it's only an hour flight, try thinking
of the person behind who you've just crushed.
Children/Animals
Why take some poor kid/dog/cat on a rush-hour flight?
There are about 12 flights a day. Try an earlier one.
There'll be less stress for you, your kid/dog/cat and everyone
else on the flight.
Landing
They asked you nicely to remain in your seat until the light is
switched off. Do you really need that extra 20 seconds you
gain by flipping your seatbelt off and standing up to clamber over
everyone whilst the plane is still moving? SO SIT THE **** DOWN
AND WAIT YOUR TURN TO GET OFF THE DAMN PLANE.
And while you're at it. DO YOU REALLY NEED TO SWITCH YOUR
PHONE ON THE MINUTE THE WHEELS TOUCH THE GROUND?!
Thank you for your attention.
Those of a calm disposition should stop reading here.
You've been warned.
Check-In
If you're late arriving at the airport and the flight is closed, don't
start *****ing to the check-in clerk. You're late. It's your problem.
Stop wasting everybody else's time arguing and go see a ticketing
clerk about another flight.
Check-in is when you put everything that is not hand luggage
into the hold. This is very important.
Unfortunately there are no current terror alerts to force people to
check-in all their over-packed luggage and detritus.
2 piece of hand luggage does not mean:
a suitcase, a briefcase, a laptop bag, a cosmetics bag, an overcoat and a carrier-bag of duty free.
Stop wasting everyone's time when boarding a plane and stowing all
your **** by CHECKING SOME OF IT IN!
Security
Get in line early. I don't care if your flight leaves 5 minutes before
mine. You are not going in front. Try getting to the airport
just a little bit earlier.
Don't wait until you get to the metal detector to start unpacking all
the liquids and your laptop and taking off your three layers of outdoor
clothing. Use some ****ing common sense and get ready whilst in
that long line. The line is long because of people like you.
Yes you need to take that big-buckle belt off and if you have steel
toecaps, take those shoes off too. Every time you have to re-pass
through that metal detector, the hundred people behind you
are thinking your are a total dick.
Boarding
When they call for boarding by row, don't try and get on early.
You'll only get told to wait at one side, wasting time.
No one is going to take your seat. It's yours. (Unless you're flying
EasyJet, in which case: tough. You pay budget, you get budget.)
Don't saunter down the aisle with your 6 bags over your shoulder
banging them into everyone's heads. Or awkwardly wheeling them
banging them into people's legs. If you can't carry it properly, CHECK IT THE **** IN!
If you can't raise it into the overhead locker without help, CHECK IT THE **** IN!
Don't b*tch about having to put it under the seat in front.
It's only an hour flight, deal with it. The reason the lockers are full
is because people like you bring too much hand luggage on board.
CHECK IT THE **** IN!
Don't expect people to give up their aisle seat so you can sit next
to your colleague and bore them with your latest powerpoint
presentation through the entire flight. if it's that important to you,
plan ahead, check-in on line and get seats together, you
self-important high flyer, you.
Electronic Items
They asked you nicely to switch off phones/laptops/etc.
I know technically there is no real reason, but you're
on their plane, it's their rule, they asked nicely.
SO JUST ****ING DO IT!
Take-off
Don't recline your seat all the way back once the seatbelt
sign is switched off. You selfish ****. it's only an hour flight, try thinking
of the person behind who you've just crushed.
Children/Animals
Why take some poor kid/dog/cat on a rush-hour flight?
There are about 12 flights a day. Try an earlier one.
There'll be less stress for you, your kid/dog/cat and everyone
else on the flight.
Landing
They asked you nicely to remain in your seat until the light is
switched off. Do you really need that extra 20 seconds you
gain by flipping your seatbelt off and standing up to clamber over
everyone whilst the plane is still moving? SO SIT THE **** DOWN
AND WAIT YOUR TURN TO GET OFF THE DAMN PLANE.
And while you're at it. DO YOU REALLY NEED TO SWITCH YOUR
PHONE ON THE MINUTE THE WHEELS TOUCH THE GROUND?!
Thank you for your attention.
