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I have now reached the time in my life when both the size of my wallet and my waistline are broadly similar. This means that I am now considering going on a World cruise. Has anybody done either one of these or a longish cruise ? If so, then what should I look for on the cruise ship (apart from copious amounts of five star food, booze and hot totty )................also, other than the gay waiters, what should be avoided ?
 

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Have you ever been on a cruise before? In my experience, you either love it or hate it (and little in between).

I would say that you might be best going for a shortish cruise (5 days or so) first before commiting to a long world cruise.

My parents (in their 70s) finally this year for their 50th wedding anniversary took their first ever Carribean cruise...... and hated it!

Others I know wouldn't do anything but cruise for a holiday.

Just bear in mind that you are on a very restricted space in close proximity of a lot of people you haven't chosen for a long period of time.

If I had a lot of time to spare and a few quid to burn I'd be taking my Alfa round Europe the long way rather than cruising.
 

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I have worked on or around ships all my life Stelvio and if i can give you any advice it is this.

Avoid Saga Cruises, I piloted one into Cardiff last year and it was like a floating Sanitorium with people shuffling around in their dressing gowns and slippers

Avoid Easy cruises, like a floating Lidl, with overtones of Argos

And a general tip never take upan offer to be shown the " golden rivet" if you are asked if you would like "your turn in the barrel" then decline:)
 

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I knew a guy who was a chef on a cruise ship. Apparently due to the average age of cruise passengers it's not unusual for some of them to snuff it during the cruise, and provided their next of kin is present and the ships doctor can issue a death certificate - it is permissible for the captain to bury them at sea rather than store them for the entire journey (this is a 20 year old story so may not be the case nowadays).

On one cruise ship he was on they had a new "burial at sea" slab fitted that used a hydraulic jack to tilt it up and slide the body over the side rather than the plank of wood they usually used.

First week out of port they get a snuffer and its decided to bury him at sea. They read the instructions for the new hydraulic slab, and it turns out you have to put the body on first to calibrate the jack to tilt at the right speed/angle. 6am of the funeral day they carry the body down, put him on the slab and during the calibration someone pushes the wrong button and fires this body about 50 metres out to sea.

Cue the chef being asked to hastily "construct" a body from cabbages, sacks of potatoes and various other bits from the kitchen which is then solemnly buried at sea overseen by the sobbing wife a few hours later. Nobody ever the wiser.

Probably never happened, but when he tells it well it always gets a laugh in the pub.
 

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forgot to mention, If you need your Aston looking after for the duration? im your man:)
 

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I wouldn't worry Eddie. Stelvio is so full of it, he's got his own private septic tank installed. :D
The latent homophobia is probably just another made up affectation for our benefit.
 
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