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Last week, we took some friends to a new Indian restaurant, 'Muthu's Place,' and noticed that the Indian waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the Indian staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I enquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare.. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the Indian waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the Indian waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then the Indian waiter lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'







































'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon..'
 

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:lol:
 

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Bloomin old, I used to tell that one to Andersen consultants in the 90s!
 
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Yeah, you'll find they're Accenture now and what a humourless bunch they are.
Indeed, the name has changed but the attitudes haven't. Androids they were, androids they still are. Apologies for any management consultants listening in btw :lol:

Was once at a dinner with some prospects in the 90s when I worked in presales for a software company. They had their Andersen consultants with them, and one of them was rather showing off in the dinner conversation talking about his expensive holiday on some beach somewhere. He said "I got through three books while I was away", at which point my salesguy said "Yes, and he nearly coloured them all in" which was a nice put down.

Cheers,

Nigel
 
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Indeed, the name has changed but the attitudes haven't. Androids they were, androids they still are. Apologies for any management consultants listening in btw :lol:

Was once at a dinner with some prospects in the 90s when I worked in presales for a software company. They had their Andersen consultants with them, and one of them was rather showing off in the dinner conversation talking about his expensive holiday on some beach somewhere. He said "I got through three books while I was away", at which point my salesguy said "Yes, and he nearly coloured them all in" which was a nice put down.

Cheers,

Nigel
Wow

Someone in software sales looking down on management consultants !

I've seen it all now ;)
 
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Management Consultancy - if you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
 
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Wow

Someone in software sales looking down on management consultants !

I've seen it all now ;)
:lol: Yup, like estate agents, politicians and journos, someone's got to be bottom of the heap!
 

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Management Consultancy - if you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
Coupled with the term 'lean process' paraphrased as 'we'll sack all your staff you'll save loads of money and we've done our job, here's the bill...'
 
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:lol: Yup, like estate agents, politicians and journos, someone's got to be bottom of the heap!
I will confess that I spent several years of my career working for a large and well know Consulting house frequently alongside a similarly well known German three letter software vendor.

Even I have to admit to sitting in meetings on occasion and thinking "are we all engaged in a secret game of who can be the biggest [email protected] today but nobody's told me ?".
 
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Even I have to admit to sitting in meetings on occasion and thinking "are we all engaged in a secret game of who can be the biggest [email protected] today but nobody's told me ?".
Ah, you're familiar with Method/1 then....

Gotta love those big software companies. I have to, because my entire working life revolves around them.....
 
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Yep the very same.

In fairness I have to say I used to really enjoy the trips to their HQ in Germany to talk with the techies and architects. It was just the sales guys, particularly in the UK, that I found to be such wangers.
 
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