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Discussion Starter #1
Skills from the Sniff team :lol:


" This is it. This is The Road. This is seven miles of soaring, serpentine sensuousness that will scorch me from my slumber, censure my senses and shakedown my steed with a smooth and semi-sexual series of esses.



It will also take me to Kettering.



This will be distilled driving pleasure boiled down to its basics as if it were the key Tarmac ingredient in Heston Blumenthal’s kitchen.

Let’s do this thing.


To give this delicious ribbon of main course its just desserts I’m here in a small but perfectly formed piece of weaponry. As it tears a tiny hole in the bumptious belly of the East Midlands’ afternoon there are no stray pixels on this picture. Only a Pixo. That’s right; I’m pedalling the Pixo, Nissan’s newly minted baby that’s got its laser sights trained on the Aygo and is about to give it a bloody nose.


As The Road unfolds before me the little Nissan seems to take on a sense of animal urgency, all three cylinders singing the same sweet song, and that song says “You are in control”.



Performance is metered out like whiskey at an Irish wedding; smooth but punchy and in intoxicating quantities. And that’s a party the gearchange wants to be at, dancing across the gate like a petrified snake.


But the real happy couple here is the ride & handling. When the twisted Tarmac asks yet more questions of them, the answer is always ‘I do’. Bumps are soaked up by the mechanical thirst pockets atop each wheel whilst grip is so plentiful you could sell the excess to a leech factory.



Power in to each corner, trim your tack with the telepathic steering and then let loafer unleash lovely justice upon the throttle and power on to the next date with destiny and an old friend we call Mr Corner.


As car and helmsman forge a deeper bond I delve further into the box of tricks marked ‘dynamic excellence’, lifting off the throttle mid-bend to see what secrets this will reveal.
All at once the tail stepped wide, I caught it with a dab of oppo and I was away.


The Nissan Pixo 1.0 Tekna is a bi tch. And I spanked it."


:lol::thumbs:
 

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"This is it. This is The Road. This is seven miles of soaring, serpentine sensuousness that will scorch me from my slumber, censure my senses and shakedown my steed with a smooth and semi-sexual series of esses."


Alliteration - an overrated and cheap form of expression imho.

(But you all know I'm an idiot).
 

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I prefer Carcoat Damphands, but then I'm a bulbous Gary.

Minty.
 
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The only bit of this thread I got was AL being moist and it's not even Thursday :lol:
 

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"This is it. This is The Road. This is seven miles of soaring, serpentine sensuousness that will scorch me from my slumber, censure my senses and shakedown my steed with a smooth and semi-sexual series of esses."


Alliteration - an overrated and cheap form of expression imho.

(But you all know I'm an idiot).
Paul, you know he's being ironic, right? making a mockery of the pompous, up its own butt motoring journalism that exists today. It's meant to be tongue in cheek; check out sniffpetrol (pop it into google), which is just a bit of a laugh.
 

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Paul, you know he's being ironic, right? making a mockery of the pompous, up its own butt motoring journalism that exists today. It's meant to be tongue in cheek; check out sniffpetrol (pop it into google), which is just a bit of a laugh.
OK - still not sure about word usage though - irony accepted.
 

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OK - still not sure about word usage though - irony accepted.
the word usage is meant to be terrible, Paul; it's part of the joke. You remember how Smashie and Nicey were a parody of cheesy radio DJs?....same thing here :)
 
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Because this really isn't an in-joke but seems like one:

Sniff Petrol

Troy Queef is road tester for Dab of Oppo magazine.

Carcoat Damphands is the motor trade insider.

Some of the not advertisements are excellent.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Sniff Petrol is one of my fav reads. Makes me giggle. :thumbs:

Minty. :lol:
 

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Sniff Petrol rules.

IIRC the author is chief scriptwriter for Top Gear so I think a lot of stuff that's too risque for the BBC ends up there.

And yes, I have seen the 156 GTA not-advert.
 

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is that the one that shows pics of a 156 GTA's steering wheel, pedals and engine, and states: 'these are just three of the things that will drop off'?

:lol:
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Next installment.... :lol:


"Silent shafts of spearing sunshine shoot shimmering stains of summer across this somnambulant scene in front of me. It’s 33 miles to Corby, I’ve got a full tank of petrol, half a pack of Extra Strong Mints, it’s light and I’m wearing Serengeti Firenze driving glasses with polarizing lenses and satin gunmetal frames. Let’s hit it.

But before Dunlop gets cosy with blacktop, just one question sticks in the mind like a quizzical arrow. Will I actually need that full tank of juice? This is not the corpulent conundrum it might as first seem for today I am helming a Honda hydra, a beast not with two heads but with two engines, one that sups from the lead-less cup we all know whilst an electric motor sits bang next to it, snuggled up tight like an incestuous sister. As I prepare to get pedalling on some of the Peterborough area’s finest twisties I will be doing so asking if, motive power-wise, two is better than one. So let’s Tango.

First impressions are of a firm push in the back that would make an osteopath envious. Within mere seconds you know that this baby loves to torque, but can she dance? The first set of apexes will soon set it some questions it needs to answer. And there is no phone a friend. Turn in, the steering as searing as stepping on a Lego brick, feel the tyres tread shuffling their way into the attack position as the Gs reach a mighty crescendo of literal lateral gravity, their rubber souls clinging on for dear life as the sweet suspension commands them to do its benign bidding. All inputs and outputs are telegraphed in crisp digital real time. This is Chassis 3G, a broadband link to the road and all its secrets.
What insight have I got into the Insight? A game of two halves, and they both love to play hard. It’s only right and proper that I up the ante, piling in harder, coming on stronger, revelling in the heat that beats from its hybrid heart. As the road snakes onwards I press on like a panty liner, stringing the sinews together in sweet succession. At one moment I lifted off mid-bend and felt the cheeky tail shuffle sideways. I just caught it with a dab of oppo and I was away.

The Honda Insight 1.3 SE is a b itch.


And I spanked it."


:D
 

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Discussion Starter #20
YAY!!! :cool::thumbs:
 
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