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Way Off Topic Topics in here are quite off topic but do stay within the rules...

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i entered a contest to see who could draw the most slight and straight line down the near edge of an A4 sheet of paper.




i won by the faintest of margins
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Last week my Doctor told me I was going deaf.

I haven’t heard from him since
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Just had an amazing cab driver. He said "I love my job - I'm my own boss. No-one tells me what to do".

I said "left here mate".
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a Yorkshireman goes to a goldsmiths and asks 'can tha mek us a gold statue o'me whippet?'

'do you want it eighteen carat?'

'gnawin' a bone you daft sod'
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people are always asking me if i can do an impression of a negative tortoise.

i'm going to stick my neck out and say no
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*spent*
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*spent*
Great show!
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*spent*
You may leave now.
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My wife phoned earlier today to say she was in casualty. Iíve now watched four episodes on iPlayer and not seen her yet.
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How does the Pope pay for things on eBay?

He uses his Papal account.
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How does the Pope pay for things on eBay?

He uses his Papal account.
If only there were a "Groan" button.
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Without a doubt my favourite Robin Williams film is Mrs Fire.

(Stolen from Austin Knight)
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I hear that the Notre Dame fire was caused by Quasimodo meeting up with an old flame.

He blames the incident on having drunk too much whisky crying "The Bells... the Bells..."
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Did you hear about the man who invented the knock knock jokes.

He's won the Nobel prize
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Why is there only one Competition and Markets Authority?
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