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Way Off Topic Topics in here are quite off topic but do stay within the rules...

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How many dyslexics to change a lightbulb...........Steven!
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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
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Insomniacs... look on the bright side; only 3 more sleeps til Christmas.
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A psychic dwarf escaped from custody. People are being warned: Small medium at large.
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An inmate escaped from the asylum after raping three cleaners. Next day's headlines read "Nut screws washers and bolts"
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I said "Fish and chips twice", she said "I heard you the first time"
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He said "You'll go blind doing that, son", I said, "I'm over here Dad"
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She said, "Your hairs looking thin", I said, "Who wants fat hair?"
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She said, "My sisters got acute angina", I said, "She's got a canny pair o **ts aswell"
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He said, "Do you mind if I use your dictaphone?", i said, "YES I DO!, use your finger like everyone else!"
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So Artie Johnson agreed to kill my wife and cos he owed me one, only charged me a quid. He went in Tesco where she worked and strangled her on the counter where she worked. Unfortunately a work mate of hers witnessed it all so he strangled her as well, he was arrested as he tried to leave the shop. Next day's headline read, 'Artie Chokes Two For A Pound At Tesco's'
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What do you call a drunken Italian steeplejack


A high tiddly Itie
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My wife was making me breakfast in the kitchen and suddenly there was a thumping noise.

I went to the kitchen to see what was wrong, and there she was stone dead on the floor.

Of couse I panicked, and wondered what the hell I should do.




Then I remembered that Waitrose served breakfast until 10am...
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Iíve just got a job as a postman... the money ainít great but it beats walking the streets all day.
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Sex in multi storey car parks.

Just wrong on all levels
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I have two small beetles available for rent. I'm the lessor of two weevils.
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I have just taken up meditation. It is certainly better than sitting around doing nothing.
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Five dyslexics found out that their job was at risk so that sat down together and decided to form an Onion.
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Iíve just got a new job making chess pieces... I start on knights next week.
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I've been running a dating agency for chickens... had to give it up as I was having trouble making hens meet.
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The wife and kids are upset because I put ginger in their curry tonight... they really loved that cat.
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I have just taken up ‘Silent Tennis’, it’s like normal tennis but without the racquet.
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Iíve got a 12 inch penis.........but I donít use it as a rule.
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