One-liners - Page 3 - Alfa Romeo Forum
You are currently unregistered, register for more features.    
Way Off Topic Topics in here are quite off topic but do stay within the rules...

 174Likes
Reply
 
Thread Tools
Status: Half man Half biscuit
AO Silver Member
 
jparkin486's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Bramley
County: Hampshire - Darn Sarf!
Posts: 1,483
Garage
Monorails!
jparkin486 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Status: Comfortably numb
AO Silver Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: United Kingdom
County: Dorset
Posts: 3,887

Member car:

147 1.6 Sport

Then there was the dyslexic Yorkshire man, always went out with a cat flap on his head
TheGrimJeeper likes this.
Poolegan is offline  
Status: -
AO Gold Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: United Kingdom
County: Derbyshire
Posts: 6,479
"Burke & Hare are two things that spring to mind when one thinks of Boris Johnson"

Frank Skinner
Dave Brand is offline  
Status: zzzzzzzz
AO Platinum Member
 
symon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: United Kingdom
County: Oxfordshire
Posts: 36,845
One thing which lets me down in my life is my knowledge of greek mythology. You could say it was my Achilles Elbow.
Sterzo and TheGrimJeeper like this.
symon is offline  
Status: Thinking about a Scirrocco
AO Platinum Member
 
Starkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Brighton.
County: Good old Sussex by the sea
Posts: 12,737

Member car:

The train :(

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey.
Starkers is offline  
Status: Thinking about a Scirrocco
AO Platinum Member
 
Starkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Brighton.
County: Good old Sussex by the sea
Posts: 12,737

Member car:

The train :(

Where are mathmeticians buried?

In the symmetery.
Starkers is offline  
Status: Bye Daffy Cat
AO Platinum Member
 
Keithy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: United Kingdom
County: Shropshire
Posts: 37,264
The autocorrect on my ‘phone can go to he’ll.
Keithy is offline  
Status: zzzzzzzz
AO Platinum Member
 
symon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: United Kingdom
County: Oxfordshire
Posts: 36,845
A female body builder goes to the doctors because she has taken too many steroids and has grown a penis. "Anabolic"? askes the Doctor. "No" she relied, "Just a Penis".
symon is offline  
Status: -
AO Silver Member
 
Oldie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
County: Argyll and Bute
Posts: 1,274
What did the gas meter say to the shilling? Nice of you to drop in Bob, ...
Oldie is offline  
Status: old and tired
AO Silver Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: United Kingdom
County: Devon
Posts: 1,201
Quote:
Originally Posted by symon View Post
I went to watch a 100m race for tourettes syndrome sufferers yesterday.

At the beginning the bloke shouted "On your marks!, Get set!, F*** Off!"
I know this thread isn't new, but I hadn't read it until this morning.
This one made me smile the most .
In fact I actually laughed out loud even though I am sitting here alone.
Mick.
mick.p. is offline  
Status: zzzzzzzz
AO Platinum Member
 
symon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: United Kingdom
County: Oxfordshire
Posts: 36,845
A man went to the doctors as his hearing was playing up.

"Can you describe the symptoms?" asked the doctor?

"Yes, Homer is fat and bald, and Marge has Blue hair"
Pud237 and FredDibnah like this.
symon is offline  
Status: -
AO Gold Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: United Kingdom
County: Derbyshire
Posts: 6,479
I'm not mean, I'm just average.
Dave Brand is offline  
Status: Bye Daffy Cat
AO Platinum Member
 
Keithy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: United Kingdom
County: Shropshire
Posts: 37,264
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave Brand View Post
I'm not mean, I'm just average.
How very a-la-mode
Keithy is offline  
Status: zzzzzzzz
AO Platinum Member
 
symon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: United Kingdom
County: Oxfordshire
Posts: 36,845
Paddy runs into the Pub: "Mick!! Your car has just been stolen"

Mick: "Did you see who it was?"

Paddy: "No, but I got the registration number".
Sterzo likes this.
symon is offline  
Status: -
AO Gold Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: United Kingdom
County: Derbyshire
Posts: 6,479
I wanted to play Rugby for Wasps, but they said I could only play in the B team.
Dave Brand is offline  
Status: Bye Daffy Cat
AO Platinum Member
 
Keithy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: United Kingdom
County: Shropshire
Posts: 37,264
What's the difference between a disused Greyhound depot and a lobster with breast implants? Well, one's a crusty bus station and the other...
Keithy is offline  
Status: Bye Daffy Cat
AO Platinum Member
 
Keithy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: United Kingdom
County: Shropshire
Posts: 37,264
I flippin’ hate TDWSNMUMD, whoever invented it should be crucified.
Keithy is offline  
Status: Knackered
AO Silver Member
 
stan laurel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Preston
County: Lancashire
Posts: 4,450
Garage

Member car:

159 2.4 Ti

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keithy View Post
I flippin’ hate TDWSNMUMD, whoever invented it should be crucified.
Subtle!
stan laurel is offline  
Status: Knackered
AO Silver Member
 
stan laurel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Preston
County: Lancashire
Posts: 4,450
Garage

Member car:

159 2.4 Ti

My girlfriend said she'd only marry me if I overcame my ambulance obsession.






























































I can't wait to get down on one KNEE NOR KNEE NOR KNEE NOR


stan laurel is offline  
Status: Knackered
AO Silver Member
 
stan laurel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Preston
County: Lancashire
Posts: 4,450
Garage

Member car:

159 2.4 Ti

My Granddad was a baker in the army.









































He went in all buns glazing
Starkers likes this.
stan laurel is offline  
Status: Thinking about a Scirrocco
AO Platinum Member
 
Starkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Brighton.
County: Good old Sussex by the sea
Posts: 12,737

Member car:

The train :(

Why did the baker have smelly hands?






























Because he kneaded a poo.
stan laurel likes this.
Starkers is offline  
Status: Back to chilling out
AO Member
 
TI-ger boz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: United Kingdom
County: North Yorkshire
Posts: 294

Member car:

Giulietta 1.4MA

My grandad played piano on the Titanic... went down very well.
stan laurel likes this.
TI-ger boz is offline  
Status: -
AO Silver Member
 
Nellytheroc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: United Kingdom
County: Norfolk
Posts: 1,886
Garage
There’s another forum member called Buster who keeps sending me videos of 70s glam rock legends The Sweet...

There’s got to be a way, does anyone know the way to block Buster?
Ralf S., Poolegan and stan laurel like this.
Nellytheroc is offline  
Status: Dreaming
AO Silver Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Orpington, Kent
Posts: 1,911

Member car:

Giulietta 150MA

Why was there only one Monopolies Commission?
Ralf S. and stan laurel like this.
Sterzo is offline  
Status: Bye Daffy Cat
AO Platinum Member
 
Keithy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: United Kingdom
County: Shropshire
Posts: 37,264
Just visited https://www.diabetes.org.uk and the website asked me if I would accept cookies...
symon and Nellytheroc like this.
Keithy is offline  
Reply

Go Back   Alfa Romeo Forum > Misc Lounges > Community Discussions > Way Off Topic

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome