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Way Off Topic Topics in here are quite off topic but do stay within the rules...

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I went to a job interview today and they asked me if I had any unusual abilities.


I replied "Yes I can eat gluten".
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Afternoon all. A couple of quick jokes to liven up a rainy sunday

Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.


When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

Julian
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I bought Mrs Pat some lesbian trainers, they have a really long tongue and are easy to get off with one finger.
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So rude!
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Two fingers better than one.

Apparently.
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A couple more for teatime

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may apply)

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.



Cheers
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I’ve just been thrown out of B&Q. There I was walking around the gardening section when a bloke in an orange apron approached me and asked if I wanted decking so I thought I’d get one in first.
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Boom!
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A few weeks back I was feeling Miserable and Depressed.


But I have managed to turn things around. Now I am Depressed and Miserable.
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I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
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I thought I'd posted this early but anyhoo...

"I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants,
but he's still making fun of me."
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The train :(

I thought you had too - perhaps elsewhere?
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Yeah it was on the Transformer thread.
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Yes, I didn't understand that post at all.
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Sorry for the delay, I've been on a 'Delivering Constructive Criticism' course this morning.

It was f***ing s**t
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Saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay this morning and thought to myself; I wonder what his handicap is?
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I went to watch a 100m race for tourettes syndrome sufferers yesterday.

At the beginning the bloke shouted "On your marks!, Get set!, F*** Off!"
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Slightly more than one little me but what the heck!!!

Scouse bird on a hen nite to Blackpool .they stop in the middle of nowhere for a pee. She trips rolls down the embankment into a field lands under a cow .puts her hands up feels around and says ok lads one at a time. !
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At least Markle's dad was invited - said Major Hewitt.
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The other day some vegan insisted that she knew me but I'd never met herbivore.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paddy OPlastic View Post
At least Markle's dad was invited - said Major Hewitt.
Ouch!!!!
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There are two secrets to success, the first is not reveal everything you know.
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I got into a massive argument with my wife last night because she said I have an awful sense of direction. I packed up my stuff and right.
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i asked the man in the music shop if i could see their littlest oboe. he said 'maybe tomorrow'
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My friends were surprised with my decision to take up medicine, despite possessing absolutely no knowledge of human anatomy. It certainly raised a few eyegowns
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