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Rant Room Clean ranting only - No Swearing!

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(Post Link) post #1 of 17 Old 25-05-16 Thread Starter
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If your business is recruitment

at least keep your web site up-to-date!

"Job expired April 25th 2016"

It's bad enough I have to deal with recruitment agencies without them being even lazier than usual !

Edit: Sorry this was supposed to be in the rant room, perhaps a nice, kind, moderator could move it for me?
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(Post Link) post #3 of 17 Old 25-05-16 Thread Starter
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So much for attention to detail

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Not as good as jobs like:

Street light fitter required
Essential skils:
-Level 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 Electrical Diploma
-Electronic Engineering PhD
-Knowledge of Java scripting and SQL
-974 UCAS points
-20 years experience of advanced street lighting installation

Mechanical Engineer wanted (Ford)
We can't be bothered training you, essential skills are:
- PhD in mechanical engineering or similar
- 20 years experience in the premium automotive engineering sector (Aston Martin, Ferrari, Bentley)
- Must have knowledge of spurious operating system and software that no one who hasn't been employed at Ford before understands
- 60 GCSEs all A*

Junior junior junior low level database administrator required
Essential skills:
- 50 years experience with SPSS (even if you are a programmer, and know to implement SPSS routines at the mid-level)
- Must be overqualified in using Excel and Word
- Masters in Information Technology related subject

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A mate in our fencing club (years ago!) used to have 3 or 4 months during the ski season working (dossing) as an instructor. When returning to UK to sign on they were always keen to find him some worthwhile employment. His profession?

....Flag-pole painter
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8 years ago I had a fairly major operation to remove a (thankfully benign) tumour on my brain. This took me some time to recover from, and I had to surrender my licence to DVLA for a "guideline" 6 months. As I was self-employed in the motor trade, even when I was physically recovered, this put a severe crimp on my ability to run my business, so I signed on............the box-tickers were very keen to get me to apply for any job, or retrain, despite my explanation that as soon as I got my licence back I had a business of my own to run.......
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Recruiter: I know you said 6 months ago that you don't want to leave France,
but we have a position in Ireland that might interest you ....

#IGiveUp
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David WB View Post
Not as good as jobs like:

Mechanical Engineer wanted (Ford)
We can't be bothered training you, essential skills are:
- PhD in mechanical engineering or similar
- 20 years experience in the premium automotive engineering sector (Aston Martin, Ferrari, Bentley)
- Must have knowledge of spurious operating system and software that no one who hasn't been employed at Ford before understands
- 60 GCSEs all A*
Those kinds of ads are often just another kind of box-ticking exercise. They have a specific individual, usually an internal employee, in mind that they want for the job, but they have to advertise the job to not be accused of nepotism or favouritism or some such. So they create a job ad with the exact specifications for the person they want, knowing they'll only get one, or if they are unlucky, two or three applicants.
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(Post Link) post #10 of 17 Old 25-05-16 Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David WB View Post
Not as good as jobs like:

Street light fitter required
Essential skils:
-Level 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8 Electrical Diploma
-Electronic Engineering PhD
-Knowledge of Java scripting and SQL
-974 UCAS points
-20 years experience of advanced street lighting installation

Mechanical Engineer wanted (Ford)
We can't be bothered training you, essential skills are:
- PhD in mechanical engineering or similar
- 20 years experience in the premium automotive engineering sector (Aston Martin, Ferrari, Bentley)
- Must have knowledge of spurious operating system and software that no one who hasn't been employed at Ford before understands
- 60 GCSEs all A*

Junior junior junior low level database administrator required
Essential skills:
- 50 years experience with SPSS (even if you are a programmer, and know to implement SPSS routines at the mid-level)
- Must be overqualified in using Excel and Word
- Masters in Information Technology related subject

I've seen 'trainee' positions where they want someone at least part qualified, but fully qualified is preferred, with 3 years experience minimum. Funny sort of trainee position where the company don't actually do any training at all.
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When AZ stated that they were moving out of CHeshire, I had a horde of recruiters descend upon my LinkedIn page. To each of them I saiud the same. I'm very interested in being on your books, but you need to put a note against my name saying I'm not available until 2016. They all claimed they would do this very thing.

Several of them continued to contact me on a monthly basis, to which I patiently repeated the same point.

Now the fateful year has arrived, guess how many of them I heard from before I found a job for myself...

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Two. Am I close?
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Quote:
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Two. Am I close?
In absolute terms, you're not so far off. Described as a percentage, you're infinitely wrong.
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I suppose now I've posted in here, I have to tidy up after ADF and put it in the right place.
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In absolute terms, you're not so far off. Described as a percentage, you're infinitely wrong.
My epitaph
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(Post Link) post #17 of 17 Old 26-05-16 Thread Starter
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I suppose now I've posted in here, I have to tidy up after ADF and put it in the right place.
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