McLaren broke my trousers
Well, La Emgee and I had just enjoyed a bottle of Cabernet Merlot from the south-facing valley of Morrisons special offer shelf and the need to make toilet manifested itself. Having successfully negotiated this challenge (without conceding any own goals into the Jockey cotton net) I was downstairs again and making my way past the telly to bring on a substitute bottle, just as the 2nd half started.
At that precise moment Mr McLaren appeard out of that extendable tunnel thing that protects them from the empty glass retribution of the Righteous. Obviously, it was my duty as an Englishman to make proper tribute. However, as I turned away and dropped my kex, the button holding the waist together detached itelf and skittered across the laminate.
Clearly I deserve compensation from the FA. Maybe Sloper can arange this on a no-win-no-lose-either-fee-basis?