It's really easy to rant, you just have to apply yourself to it and read the tabloids for tips. e.g.
I absolutely detest it when people completely fail to rant convincingly and then meekly apologise. Here I am, ready to direct a stream of bile, vitriol and hatred at something completely undeserving of it and what do you come up with? Nothing, zip, nada. A few emoticons and and a lame apaology for your failings. Well I'm not interested in your failings chum, I WANT SOMETHING TO HAVE A COW OVER. If you can't come up with anything meaningful, step aside sonny and let a man step up to the plate.
Have you noticed how everyone who drives a Kia Cee'd is completely selfish. Just the other night I went to ASDA for some late night emergency shopping as we had run out of baguettes and cheese. It was nearly 10pm when a got there and the car park was almost empty. Despite this, some selfish, thoughtless swine in a Cee'd had deliberately parked in the space I wanted to use. Of all the spaces in that car park, he had to choose that one didn't he. I waited until he came out to give him a slap but I was unable to lift him out of his wheelchair so I just warned him that I wouldn't be so tolerant next time. Some people eh?