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(Post Link) post #1 of 37 Old 25-04-08 Thread Starter
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My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

Hi guys. I have been put in a little bit of a problem over the last few months. I met this girl when I worked at Swissport Stansted over 2 years ago, she was going out with one of the guys there and I got to know her. Anyway at the start of the year she became single. She was with him for 3 years on and off (he cheated on her and treated her like dog arse!).

Anyway on the 2nd of Feb this year we decided we would get together which I was really happy about cause I really liked her. Before I asked her out for a drink I confirmed it with my mate (her ex) that it was ok?? He now does that talk to me!! And at the time he said it was ok but it would be a little weird but now no longer speaks to me and has turned alot of my old work mates against me. But that is a different story.

Now on the day I picked up my GT I recieved a phone call from her saying "Can you get a test I have done one but it's come up pregnant need another one, to confirm it". Now this came as a little suprise to me but I was kind of happy. And when she took the test it was confirmed she is pregnant!

And on friday 2 weeks ago I told my parents. (Bare in mind we have only been together 3 months and we are both 21 and living at home with parents and both in paid full time employment.) I was mearly shown my marching orders and told to gather my stuff and leave. Heated argument lots of nasty things said but have had no contact since that day!!

So I moved in with her for a week which went fantastic (NOT!), I blame a little on her hormones being all over the shop but she really didn't want me there. I have now moved in and renting a room off my friend who lives 2 minutes round the corner.

Now for the best part!! I have been living here for about a week now and today was the first time I get to see her, she showed me little/no affection and seemed off with me. After a while I asked what was up, now after lots of bugging she blurted out! "WE NEED SPACE, I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH MY EX" Now I actually felt me little heart crack into two. I went a bit psycho and said a few nastys and she stormed out and I chased after her. She calmed down went home and I went back to mine.

I then later text her asking what is going on as I think its a little unfair her leaving me waiting to know whats going on. She then later replied with "I don't know but at the moment I don't want to be with anyone while I am feeling like this, I want to get over him before I start thinking about us!" Fair enough but it was this final bit that has upset me. She said "No matter what we do though I am keeping the baby"!!!!

Now I cannot deal with having a child with a mother that I am not with, I proposed to her on her 21st birthday to show that I am committed and want this. I love her to bits and this is killing me.

What a crap 2008 its been, lost my family, looks like I have lost her and my child will be a ******* which is not what I want!!!

Sorry to put this on everyone and any advice will be appreciated!!
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

Wow this is a sad time for you.
Your gf is very confused at the moment. She has a lot on her plate, sounds like she needs someone to support her (any family?)
I hope that as the pregnancy progresses she remembers that you love her and the other guy mistreated her.
Hang in there, you are the father of the baby and it sounds like all of this has happened in a short time period.
Hope it works out for the both of you.
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(Post Link) post #3 of 37 Old 25-04-08 Thread Starter
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

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Wow this is a sad time for you.
Your gf is very confused at the moment. She has a lot on her plate, sounds like she needs someone to support her (any family?)
I hope that as the pregnancy progresses she remembers that you love her and the other guy mistreated her.
Hang in there, you are the father of the baby and it sounds like all of this has happened in a short time period.
Hope it works out for the both of you.
Thank you, I was hoping a women would give me some advice as obviously she is female and men know nothing about women LOL!!

She has her mum and dad and they are supporting her through everything, so hopefully they will talk some sense into her. I am going to give her the space she has asked for!! Just hope she realises that I love her with all my heart and would so anything for her.
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

It sounds like you're handling it the right way to me. I have a 21 year old daughter and would help her any way I could.
Time to let her settle and get used to being pregnant, she's mixed up right now.
take care
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

You also need your family mate, so try and talk to them. Conflict in families is just futile and a waste of energy - you have other things to consider now and could do with the support.

Your girl needs some time to clear her head and think about what she wants - you are doing the right thing in giving her some time. Use the time to think about what you want as well.

Having a baby is a huge life changing event but I hope it can bring both of you together and give extra meaning to your relationship.

Best of luck and stay calm

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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

I don't want to turn this into an episode of Maury Pauvich, but are you sure you're the father?

Even if she's going through the emotional wringer, you do need to be able to speak to her and tell her what you're feeling and express your concerns to her (about not being with the mother of your baby).

Whether the two of you can have that conversation of course is the question. If you don't think that's possible is there some third party who would be willing to walk you through the discussion? A counsellor or a member of the clergy or even a friend who can remain neutral?
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

I would just give her time and space and see what happens. She may still say that she is in love with her ex, but I doubt he would want much to do with her if she was carrying your baby.

Just keep your chin up, things will be ok in the end.
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

Take it slowly, try to switch some of your thoughts onto that GT, and the other interests you may have, to give yourself a break, which it sounds as if you very much deserve.: With the passage of time things have a habit of working out, so patience is the standby that will help.:
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

Without wanting to add to your problems, have you considered asking for a paternity test?
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

A few questions you should ask yourself mate to see if she is the one for you.

1 can she cook
2 can she Iron
3 Does she like football

If the answer to all the above is yes then you really should fight for her.

On a serious note i dont envy your situation and think you should give her some space (without losing touch) and make sure she knows you are there for her if she needs you, as a few others have suggested if things do sort themselves out you really might want a paternity test just to make sure there are no issues waiting in the future.

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(Post Link) post #11 of 37 Old 26-04-08 Thread Starter
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

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Originally Posted by Toronto Spider View Post
I don't want to turn this into an episode of Maury Pauvich, but are you sure you're the father?

Even if she's going through the emotional wringer, you do need to be able to speak to her and tell her what you're feeling and express your concerns to her (about not being with the mother of your baby).

Whether the two of you can have that conversation of course is the question. If you don't think that's possible is there some third party who would be willing to walk you through the discussion? A counsellor or a member of the clergy or even a friend who can remain neutral?
--Toronto
It is 100% that I am the father she got sent to have her 12 week scan early by the mid wife and the dates married up perfectly. I know it is mine.
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(Post Link) post #12 of 37 Old 26-04-08 Thread Starter
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

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A few questions you should ask yourself mate to see if she is the one for you.

1 can she cook
2 can she Iron
3 Does she like football

If the answer to all the above is yes then you really should fight for her.

On a serious note i dont envy your situation and think you should give her some space (without losing touch) and make sure she knows you are there for her if she needs you, as a few others have suggested if things do sort themselves out you really might want a paternity test just to make sure there are no issues waiting in the future.

Ray
1. No - But having a best friend for years who is a top class head chef in Norwich my cooking skills are amazing and I enjoy it too.

2. Yes - So can I so not really an issue.

3. Yes - She is an Arsenal fan but I took her to a Southend United game and she always texts me when I am at the game "How we doing?". But she won't let me name it if its a boy after one of the players
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

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Without wanting to add to your problems, have you considered asking for a paternity test?
If we assume that Ricey13's post is genuine and cynical me says it's not, then : Squadrone Rosso, you are absolutely right.

Your whole post says that you are prepared to marry into a disastrous situation that is, at the outset, hopeless and destined to fail. Don't!!!

If the child is PROVEN to be yours, then you will have to meet the consequences of your actions in terms of support etc but do not be stupid enough to enter into a marriage where the relationship is already is showing signs of stress.
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

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If we assume that Ricey13's post is genuine and cynical me says it's not, then : Squadrone Rosso, you are absolutely right.

Your whole post says that you are prepared to marry into a disastrous situation that is, at the outset, hopeless and destined to fail. Don't!!!

If the child is PROVEN to be yours, then you will have to meet the consequences of your actions in terms of support etc but do not be stupid enough to enter into a marriage where the relationship is already is showing signs of stress.
I asked her to marry me when everything was really good. I know the baby is mine so I won't need to have a paternity test.
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

Whole heap of bad news Ricey. I really feel for you mate

As a 22 year old myself, in a situation like this I would consider getting away from it all. She obviously needs time to think, and being pregnant with your kid its very unlikely her ex will want anything to do with her. She'll probably come around, but you should get back with her on your terms, not hers, as much as you love her you need to know she really does love you before you get back with her. I've been in love with a girl who didn't love me, and the worst thing you can do is hang around, or try and "be there" for her.

If I was you, I'd get on the Internet and find a decent job in Canada or New Zealand or somewhere, and get yourself off somewhere for 6 months. She'll soon know what she's missing when you're not there. It'll give you time to clear your head, see a bit of the world and make something positive out of a bad situation. She's got her parents to support her, if your not there it will quickly make up her mind whether she wants you back or not.

You have my sympathy mate, keep your chin up, and keep in touch with your mates, they are good in situations like this

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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

Wow I really feel for you mate - something very similar happened to me in the past - just try to give her a little more time. I know its hard, but you got to try and do it. In the end everything worked out for me and I hope it does for you too!
I wish you the best of luck with it all - keep your friends close at this time mate, you will need them.
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

Thanks guys really good to know people give good advice and feel for me. My friends have been great too.

I have considered going into the RAF, its something I have always wanted to do, but I want to be a pilot so..... Its a tough one to get into. And like Pud suggested going away for 6 months. With my job I can do that.

My Aviation Fire Fighting qualification means I can work at any airport in the world as an Aviation Fire Fighter, so I might go to Dubai and work out there for 6 month/ 1 year.
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

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Thanks guys really good to know people give good advice and feel for me. My friends have been great too.

I have considered going into the RAF, its something I have always wanted to do, but I want to be a pilot so..... Its a tough one to get into. And like Pud suggested going away for 6 months. With my job I can do that.

My Aviation Fire Fighting qualification means I can work at any airport in the world as an Aviation Fire Fighter, so I might go to Dubai and work out there for 6 month/ 1 year.
Whatever you choose to do mate just make sure its the right choice for YOU - don't be swayed by anyone or anything. You need to look after number 1 for a bit
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Whatever you choose to do mate just make sure its the right choice for YOU - don't be swayed by anyone or anything. You need to look after number 1 for a bit
Thats my problem I care too much about other people and not myself, and I think its time to be selfish and think about me. I am the sort of person that when she says "jump" I say "how high?".
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

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My Aviation Fire Fighting qualification means I can work at any airport in the world as an Aviation Fire Fighter, so I might go to Dubai and work out there for 6 month/ 1 year.
Well it seems your perfectly suited to working anywhere you want, I'd give it serious consideration. Seeing the world is a great thing to do before you settle down

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Whatever you choose to do mate just make sure its the right choice for YOU - don't be swayed by anyone or anything. You need to look after number 1 for a bit
Good advice, looking after number one is important cause there ain't no other bugger gonna do it
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

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I am the sort of person that when she says "jump" I say "how high?".
I've been there mate, its not a good place to be. Its gotta be 50:50 in any relationship or it just isn't worth bothering with, and thats something I've learnt the hard way.
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

Well said Pud

Ricey, I think all good men are like that, we will give and give because we care for someone. But, you got to remember, if no-one is giving back you are just over exerting yourself.

You deserve happiness as much as she does
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

Ricey,
Even if you are 100% sure that the baby is yours please get a patertiny test done anyway. Then legally the child is yours and you will have some rights. If you don't, and you are not named on the birth certificate you have absolutely no rights whatsoever.

I know this from experience as I have been in a similar situation. In my case I went out for a few drinks and ended back at a girls place. We didn't take it further after that. About a year later I was getting letters from the CSA asking for money. I tried to find her but she has left the area.

It was obvious in my case that she only wanted me so that she could have a baby and scrounge money.
I still don't know where she or my kid are to this day.

I am sure your situation won't turn out like that though. I think the girl likes you, but she is probably a bit confused at the moment.

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Last edited by symon; 26-04-08 at 17:39.
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

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I have considered going into the RAF, its something I have always wanted to do, but I want to be a pilot so..... Its a tough one to get into. And like Pud suggested going away for 6 months. With my job I can do that.

My Aviation Fire Fighting qualification means I can work at any airport in the world as an Aviation Fire Fighter, so I might go to Dubai and work out there for 6 month/ 1 year.
It may be unpopular to suggest this, but running away from a situation is possibly not the answer. Just consder how you might feel if you did leave the area, imagining her to have a radical change of heart and come running after what she missed.... but she didn't. Then you have spent time out of the picture which doesn't cast you in a great light as a man who is determined to do the right thing by his child. And she has realised she really doesnt need you.
I also have kids your age and my symapthy is with you - I feel your parents are being ridiculously unsupportive and you seem an intelligent and sensitive bloke.
She is hormonal. She was on the rebound. She is only 21.
Be strong, be honest, be THERE. If it was supposed to happen, it will. If it wasn't, being steadfast and reasonable will give you a good chance of a future with your child. Not all two parent families are the ideal - I brought up 2 kids on my own and though tough it was ultimately successful.
Good luck sunshine with whatever you decide.
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Re: My current Situation!?! Relationship problems!

I went round and spoke to her Mum today and she hasn't mentioned anything to her! She is keeping quiet but has spoken to one of our friends about it and I have asked him and she has told him exactly everything.

She has changed her relationship status on facebook to nothing she doesn't show it, she left all the groups I sent her and well I just don't what to do!!! She has the scan wednesday so I text her saying "Am I still allowed to come to scan as I would really like to be there, hope you are ok??"
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