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Coffee shops

Or rather the people who frequent them.

I know Nev will say that all UK coffee shops basically sell dogsí eggs dissolved in hot water with milk anyway but thatís beside the point.

First point, you bought a cup of coffee for £2.30, you did not hire out a table for the rest of the ****ing day. It is not your mini office to set up with papers, your laptop and a host of other crap. If you want a desk for the entire day go in the public library, they have loads and itís much quieter.

Following on from that, if you really do have to make that important call about bizniss, because youíre really important, might I suggest that Costa Coffee opposite the town hall at dinnertime is not the place? If the call really is that important and confidential, Iím not sure that shouting 90% of the conversation then whispering the bits about money and names really fits with the whole commercial-in-confidence thing.

Thirdly, if thereís a queue, decide what you want before you get to the front of it. You only used to find these people in Chinese chip shops staring blankly at the menu for 15 minutes before weighing up the options and deciding that rather than a 33, 2 27s and a 19 with egg fried rice, they just want pie and chips. These days theyíve gone all cosmopolitan so you find them everywhere. Itís basically just coffee or coffee with **** in it. There arenít that many choices, just bloody get on with it. You know full well that you have the same thing every single time so why the pretence?

Fourthly, having purchased your tasty warm beverage (or that cold **** that makes me want to vomit), by all means find a seat. However, if thereís one of you, and the shop is empty because itís 11.45, donít occupy a table for 5 or 6. In 20 minutes itíll be mobbed and if someone comes in with 3 kids and occupies the rest of your table because there are 8 tables that occupy more than 2 people and each one has a single person at it, youíll only sit there pulling your face and tutting.

Fifthly, if you come into the shop and sit next to me at the window counter thing, donít buy anything, and sit there banging your deeply naff black onyx £15.99 Argos pinkie ring on the counter as you talk about bizniss and golf on your phone. And if, when I get up to leave, you attempt to slide my empty cup in front of you to make it look like you bought something, I may possibly use industrial language and hand gestures whilst removing said cup from you.

In fact, if absolutely everyone could avoid using the costa coffee opposite the town hall on Tuesdays and the odd Friday between 12pm and 1pm, that would be the best solution all round.

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All UK coffee shops basically sell dogs’ eggs dissolved in hot water with milk.
No amount of sugar can disguise this fact.
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... but righteous rantage anyway.

They've started charging by the hour in some places now to try and move on the cafe-squatters.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keithyboy View Post
Or rather the people who frequent them.

I know Nev will say that all UK coffee shops basically sell dogsí eggs dissolved in hot water with milk anyway but thatís beside the point.

First point, you bought a cup of coffee for £2.30, you did not hire out a table for the rest of the ****ing day. It is not your mini office to set up with papers, your laptop and a host of other crap. If you want a desk for the entire day go in the public library, they have loads and itís much quieter.

Following on from that, if you really do have to make that important call about bizniss, because youíre really important, might I suggest that Costa Coffee opposite the town hall at dinnertime is not the place? If the call really is that important and confidential, Iím not sure that shouting 90% of the conversation then whispering the bits about money and names really fits with the whole commercial-in-confidence thing.

Thirdly, if thereís a queue, decide what you want before you get to the front of it. You only used to find these people in Chinese chip shops staring blankly at the menu for 15 minutes before weighing up the options and deciding that rather than a 33, 2 27s and a 19 with egg fried rice, they just want pie and chips. These days theyíve gone all cosmopolitan so you find them everywhere. Itís basically just coffee or coffee with **** in it. There arenít that many choices, just bloody get on with it. You know full well that you have the same thing every single time so why the pretence?

Fourthly, having purchased your tasty warm beverage (or that cold **** that makes me want to vomit), by all means find a seat. However, if thereís one of you, and the shop is empty because itís 11.45, donít occupy a table for 5 or 6. In 20 minutes itíll be mobbed and if someone comes in with 3 kids and occupies the rest of your table because there are 8 tables that occupy more than 2 people and each one has a single person at it, youíll only sit there pulling your face and tutting.

Fifthly, if you come into the shop and sit next to me at the window counter thing, donít buy anything, and sit there banging your deeply naff black onyx £15.99 Argos pinkie ring on the counter as you talk about bizniss and golf on your phone. And if, when I get up to leave, you attempt to slide my empty cup in front of you to make it look like you bought something, I may possibly use industrial language and hand gestures whilst removing said cup from you.

In fact, if absolutely everyone could avoid using the costa coffee opposite the town hall on Tuesdays and the odd Friday between 12pm and 1pm, that would be the best solution all round.
Dont have those problems in coffeeshops here in the Netherlands, something with herbs that makes people mellow.
They cant be bothered.

Just kidding.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by keithyboy View Post
Or rather the people who frequent them.

I know Nev will say that all UK coffee shops basically sell dogs’ eggs dissolved in hot water with milk anyway but that’s beside the point.

First point, you bought a cup of coffee for £2.30, you did not hire out a table for the rest of the ****ing day. It is not your mini office to set up with papers, your laptop and a host of other crap. If you want a desk for the entire day go in the public library, they have loads and it’s much quieter.

Following on from that, if you really do have to make that important call about bizniss, because you’re really important, might I suggest that Costa Coffee opposite the town hall at dinnertime is not the place? If the call really is that important and confidential, I’m not sure that shouting 90% of the conversation then whispering the bits about money and names really fits with the whole commercial-in-confidence thing.

Thirdly, if there’s a queue, decide what you want before you get to the front of it. You only used to find these people in Chinese chip shops staring blankly at the menu for 15 minutes before weighing up the options and deciding that rather than a 33, 2 27s and a 19 with egg fried rice, they just want pie and chips. These days they’ve gone all cosmopolitan so you find them everywhere. It’s basically just coffee or coffee with **** in it. There aren’t that many choices, just bloody get on with it. You know full well that you have the same thing every single time so why the pretence?

Fourthly, having purchased your tasty warm beverage (or that cold **** that makes me want to vomit), by all means find a seat. However, if there’s one of you, and the shop is empty because it’s 11.45, don’t occupy a table for 5 or 6. In 20 minutes it’ll be mobbed and if someone comes in with 3 kids and occupies the rest of your table because there are 8 tables that occupy more than 2 people and each one has a single person at it, you’ll only sit there pulling your face and tutting.

Fifthly, if you come into the shop and sit next to me at the window counter thing, don’t buy anything, and sit there banging your deeply naff black onyx £15.99 Argos pinkie ring on the counter as you talk about bizniss and golf on your phone. And if, when I get up to leave, you attempt to slide my empty cup in front of you to make it look like you bought something, I may possibly use industrial language and hand gestures whilst removing said cup from you.

In fact, if absolutely everyone could avoid using the costa coffee opposite the town hall on Tuesdays and the odd Friday between 12pm and 1pm, that would be the best solution all round.


I will show this to my son Jack who started working in Caffe Nero in October and even though he seems to like the job,lots of times he comes home and says that the amount of knobs in coffee shops is insane.

I have to admit....I have never been in a coffee shop in my life even though I do like the stuff.. find all these places just a wee bit pretentiousy naff.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keithyboy View Post
Or rather the people who frequent them.

I know Nev will say that all UK coffee shops basically sell dogsí eggs dissolved in hot water with milk anyway but thatís beside the point.

First point, you bought a cup of coffee for £2.30, you did not hire out a table for the rest of the ****ing day. It is not your mini office to set up with papers, your laptop and a host of other crap. If you want a desk for the entire day go in the public library, they have loads and itís much quieter.

Following on from that, if you really do have to make that important call about bizniss, because youíre really important, might I suggest that Costa Coffee opposite the town hall at dinnertime is not the place? If the call really is that important and confidential, Iím not sure that shouting 90% of the conversation then whispering the bits about money and names really fits with the whole commercial-in-confidence thing.

Thirdly, if thereís a queue, decide what you want before you get to the front of it. You only used to find these people in Chinese chip shops staring blankly at the menu for 15 minutes before weighing up the options and deciding that rather than a 33, 2 27s and a 19 with egg fried rice, they just want pie and chips. These days theyíve gone all cosmopolitan so you find them everywhere. Itís basically just coffee or coffee with **** in it. There arenít that many choices, just bloody get on with it. You know full well that you have the same thing every single time so why the pretence?

Fourthly, having purchased your tasty warm beverage (or that cold **** that makes me want to vomit), by all means find a seat. However, if thereís one of you, and the shop is empty because itís 11.45, donít occupy a table for 5 or 6. In 20 minutes itíll be mobbed and if someone comes in with 3 kids and occupies the rest of your table because there are 8 tables that occupy more than 2 people and each one has a single person at it, youíll only sit there pulling your face and tutting.

Fifthly, if you come into the shop and sit next to me at the window counter thing, donít buy anything, and sit there banging your deeply naff black onyx £15.99 Argos pinkie ring on the counter as you talk about bizniss and golf on your phone. And if, when I get up to leave, you attempt to slide my empty cup in front of you to make it look like you bought something, I may possibly use industrial language and hand gestures whilst removing said cup from you.

In fact, if absolutely everyone could avoid using the costa coffee opposite the town hall on Tuesdays and the odd Friday between 12pm and 1pm, that would be the best solution all round.
Thought Iíd better quote you KB in case nobody knows what Iím referring to.

Starbucks is far worse, they sit in the middle of a three seater settee and spread their gubbins all over the settee and coffee table.

Idiots with their pointy shoes, skinny trousers and MacBooks. Grrrr.
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I pretty much love doing bissniss in'em

Feckin hate coffee too.

Hey Grim, I must admit Illy coffee ain't bad. However when I found out (after several years drinking it and especially in Italy) the French make it, I find it now makes me sick.

Last edited by MalcQV; 15-03-19 at 10:35.
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I am old.

When I was young you went into Lyons, Wimpey etc, asked for a coffee and it would be put in front of you as you finished the sentence asking for it. It was bland and cheap.

Now you go in to Costa etc ask for a coffee and.............wait. Then you wait. It apparently needs the equivalent of the engine that powers a large cruise ship to deliver the correct amount of steam. Somehow they market such delaying tactics as "quality" - it must be good if you have to wait for it's preparation. When you get it it is bland and expensive.

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Coffee served around the Mediterranean is the best. Fact!
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Quote:
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I am old.

When I was young you went into Lyons, Wimpey etc, asked for a coffee and it would be put in front of you as you finished the sentence asking for it. It was bland and cheap.

Now you go in to Costa etc ask for a coffee and.............wait. Then you wait. It apparently needs the equivalent of the engine that powers a large cruise ship to deliver the correct amount of steam. Somehow they market such delaying tactics as "quality" - it must be good if you have to wait for it's preparation. When you get it it is bland and expensive.
I am older - but I remember. When I was young you went into Lyons, Wimpey etc, asked for a coffee and they deposited liquid oscelot droppings in front of you after a very long wait, during which they served everyone else first. Sometimes the wait was so long you were tempted to lick the matured organic matter from the unwiped tables in desperation.

Now you go in to Costa, ask for a coffee and get a pretty good one within two minutes.
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Now you go in to Costa, ask for a coffee and get a pretty good one within two minutes.
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I like this why Italians don't do takeaway coffee

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-europe-427
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Truncated linky!



But it's a good point. If every bar/restaurant/etc
is set up to serve coffee in seconds why do you need
Star****s, CostaLottaCoffee or CafeZero?

Same reason I don't have a coffee machine or any coffee at all at home: 3 min walk into the
village and BOOM coffee in hand quicker than
it'd take to boil a kettle at home!
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Quote:
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Truncated linky!



But it's a good point. If every bar/restaurant/etc
is set up to serve coffee in seconds why do you need
Star****s, CostaLottaCoffee or CafeZero?

Same reason I don't have a coffee machine or any coffee at all at home: 3 min walk into the
village and BOOM coffee in hand quicker than
it'd take to boil a kettle at home!
Doesn't really work over here. If I requested coffee in my local pub, I would get Asda smartprice instant. My local Italian would no doubt do a decent cup of coffee but it's at least 10 minutes' walk away from my house, they sell Peroni, and if I'm walking.......

Coffee shops have become part of our culture. As stated in my opening post, I don't actually object to them, I quite like them. I like going out at lunchtime to get away from the people I work with (see workplace rant) for a bit of peace and to read a book. I'd just prefer it if they weren't full of ****s. Admittedly, I'm just as happy going sitting in the gardens round the corner but it's a bit chilly at this time of year.

I don't often buy to take away but there are times when the alternative doesn't work. e.g. if I pick my daughter up from Piccadilly station, she brings coffee. To go in somewhere and drink it would require me paying five quid to park for half an hour.

I also quite like the process of making proper coffee at home. I find it relaxing.
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I like this why Italians don't do takeaway coffee

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-europe-427
Why Italians are saying 'No' to takeaway coffee - BBC News
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It's not an issue for me as I I'm allergic to coffee, Jules loves it though, whenever we are away for a day or so around the country we will go in one for her, it does smell good.
They are always emptyish so lovely
On Bold Street in Liverpool we have a Central Perk, friends themed place, I got dragged in, full of under 30's that were very fashionable and their version of highly intelligent, if you listened in though I doubt iq's in high numbers.
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In my town if you don't like the coffee shop you are in walk out of the door and there are about 2 dozen others to choose from in the same street.
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Yeah noticed that in my folks small town.

You'd think there'd be one that didn't serve Austin
Powers' lab coffee. But no.
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I may be strange...but I prefer a......pub.

I want to go somewhere i want to relax....not get more stressed on caffeine...perhaps i am an alcoholic ??
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Off to the village for a cuppa. You are all welcome to come join me.
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