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3 in 1 rant

#1 - hair. I'm bloody fed up with it. I'm sick to death of the thinning, of the complete baldness at the crown, I'm fed up with the whole bloody thing. If I went bald overnight it'd be a bloody relief, at least the fannying on would be done and dusted. While I'm at it, why does my body deem it necessary to clothe my back in fur these days? It managed without all through my 20's and 30's - but now I'm 50 it decides that it is my back, ears, nose and arris that needs the lumberjack look.

#2 - that happy egg advert on the telly. Actually you can roll in that entire Sainsbury's campaign with it. If I went to a BBQ and someone started actually dancing because the food made them so happy, I'd skewer them, and not a single jury member in the land would find me guilty.

#3 - people now using hash tags when they mean to say 'number' - so #3 rather than 3. Gits.
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"Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

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I'm having a whip 'round for a voucher for waxing for SteveIsElvisIsHairy, if you want to chip send donations to my house, it's #2.

Do not go gentle into that good night..
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Do they wax Silverbacks?
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I agree with point #1, that's why I surrendered some years ago and now go with a #2 haircut, admit defeat.

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I agree with point #1, that's why I surrendered some years ago and now go with a #2 haircut, admit defeat.

Me too. Coincidentally, we were looking at some old pics of 30ish Keith last night and he looked a right ****ing mess with his wispy thinning quiff. Better to look like you don't give a **** than to look desperate.
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Do they wax Silverbacks?
Yes, the Silverback, sack and crack.
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Well it's all stacking up to suggest Elvis removes the rest of his barnet.
To include the rest of your unsightly hair I believe you could introduce a new internet craze by posting a video of a full body shave.
The salamander challenge is born!
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Now doesn't that feel better....

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#3:

Many years ago, on a business trip to the US, I phoned a supplier in California first thing in the morning, completely forgetting that California is several hours behind Tennessee, so I got their answering system. "To leave a message, press the pound key". The what? The hashtag is commonly used in the US as the sign for pounds (weight), so it's logical that the hashtag key should be referred to as the pound key. . . as one of my colleagues amusedly explained!
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The origin of the # pound symbol is that it derives from a crossed lb. Hence pound.
From memory oldie worldie scribes used a strike through to denot the use of lettters
as symbol abbreviation.


The actual pound symbol (A struck through L) wasn't even in ascii or available on many computers until after the 80s. aOr later if you use Apple.)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGrimJeeper View Post
The origin of the # pound symbol is that it derives from a crossed lb. Hence pound.
From memory oldie worldie scribes used a strike through to denot the use of lettters
as symbol abbreviation.


The actual pound symbol (A struck through L) wasn't even in ascii or available on many computers until after the 80s. aOr later if you use Apple.)
Was it as exciting as when as teenagers, getting a keyboard with the Euro symbol?
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That didn't happen until the 10s.
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I'd like to add the new AA ad with the singing baby to your second point, which just had to come on the TV as I'm writing this post!



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I thought he'd spilt the oil can.
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Quote:
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#3:

Many years ago, on a business trip to the US, I phoned a supplier in California first thing in the morning, completely forgetting that California is several hours behind Tennessee, so I got their answering system. "To leave a message, press the pound key". The what? The hashtag is commonly used in the US as the sign for pounds (weight), so it's logical that the hashtag key should be referred to as the pound key. . . as one of my colleagues amusedly explained!
I learnt this listening to Offspring's 'Americana' album. First track.
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Can't not mention the old Dealer McDope's ansaphone joke, "Leave a message after the beep, or to make an order press the hash key".



Sorry
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Can't not mention the old Dealer McDope's ansaphone joke, "Leave a message after the beep, or to make an order press the hash key".



Sorry
Always tickles me.
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I learnt this listening to Offspring's 'Americana' album. First track.
A good example of life dealing very hard lessons.
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Regarding the endless sprouting of hair post 50 (ears, nose, eyebrows, shoulders, 'aris, top of feet! etc) - I hate the faffing now at the barbers where it's a 5 minute job on the barnet, followed by 15 minutes of other trimming (although - so far - no mention of tidying the 'aris thank God).

What I suggest is that someone invents an immersive dip whereby men of a certain age can strip off naked and get lowered into some sort of vat of bubbling Imac for 30 seconds before emerging like vaselined pigs. We could be dipped every 6 weeks or so.

Of course I have a picture in my mind of me going in gloriously like Arnie in the Terminator, to a soundtrack of Land of Hope and Glory surrounded by applauding workers on the way in, and something similar but including Playboy Bunnys on the way out.

What it would actually look like is someone lowering a teabag into it and pulling out a raisin.

Either way - can someone get on with simplifying this please. I have a magnificent vision of a consistent stream of women leading their snivelling, hobbling little hairy bottled spiders of husbands on leads into one salon door and then emerging arm in arm with steaming, shiney, smiling matinee idols out the other.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FredDibnah View Post
Regarding the endless sprouting of hair post 50 (ears, nose, eyebrows, shoulders, 'aris, top of feet! etc) - I hate the faffing now at the barbers where it's a 5 minute job on the barnet, followed by 15 minutes of other trimming (although - so far - no mention of tidying the 'aris thank God).

What I suggest is that someone invents an immersive dip whereby men of a certain age can strip off naked and get lowered into some sort of vat of bubbling Imac for 30 seconds before emerging like vaselined pigs. We could be dipped every 6 weeks or so.

Of course I have a picture in my mind of me going in gloriously like Arnie in the Terminator, to a soundtrack of Land of Hope and Glory surrounded by applauding workers on the way in, and something similar but including Playboy Bunnys on the way out.

What it would actually look like is someone lowering a teabag into it and pulling out a raisin.

Either way - can someone get on with simplifying this please. I have a magnificent vision of a consistent stream of women leading their snivelling, hobbling little hairy bottled spiders of husbands on leads into one salon door and then emerging arm in arm with steaming, shiney, smiling matinee idols out the other.
**** that for a game of soldiers.

Have you not seen the amazon reviews for male hair removal cream where people describe getting the stuff on their manveg?
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Er, no.

What were you searching for ?

Crack and pinion!
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**** that for a game of soldiers.

Have you not seen the amazon reviews for male hair removal cream where people describe getting the stuff on their manveg?
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Er, no.
Enjoy

https://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R3GDDEL1SC1QQ5
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It's been around for a while but still funny.
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