Merry Christmas - Alfa Romeo Forum
You are currently unregistered, register for more features.    
Rant Room Clean ranting only - No Swearing!

 8Likes
  • 5 Post By keithyboy
  • 2 Post By bazza
  • 1 Post By rgwm
 
Thread Tools
(Post Link) post #1 of 14 Old 19-12-16 Thread Starter
Status: strongstablestrongst able
AO Platinum Member
 
keithyboy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Cambodia
County: Phnom Penh
Posts: 14,126

Member car:

CRV/Jaaag

Merry Christmas

About 6 months have passed since I was last active on here. I’m a little bit older, almost certainly no wiser, and a lot has happened. Some of it good, some bad, some occupying that territory in the middle that is good or bad, just really ****ing annoying.

I shall start my catharsis with a plea to Manchester’s Christmas shoppers. I, like my fellow city centre workers, always like to see huge crowds at this time of the year as we try to make constructive use of very short lunch breaks to get some dinner, go to the bank, run to Tesco for the vital ingredient for tonight’s tea etc. There are a few things you could do, however, to make our lives easier.

Firstly, when you get off a train or bus, it would help us enormously if you could just stop and stand still as soon as you step onto the footpath or platform. This enables everyone behind you to bang into each other for that Christmas touchy-feely experience.

Secondly, whilst walking around Manchester’s bustling city centre, instead of walking like a normal person with some sort of purpose and point, meander round aimlessly like a donkey with no rider. If you could couple this with abrupt stops and random changes of direction, that would be champion. If you do a complete 180 degree change of direction without looking, you will get bonus points. Having a map and holding it upside down will earn you a similar bonus.

Thirdly, if you see any homeless people (and you will), tut loudly and say how disgusting it is. For transparency, lest anyone accuse you of compassion, make a point of highlighting that it is their presence that offends, rather than their plight being a concern.

Fourthly, take an umbrella with you, even if there’s no chance of rain and you’re not going to be outside all day. See how many people you can stab with the pointy end of your umbrella. That always gives us a laugh.

Fifthly (is that a word?), once you’ve got more bags than you can carry, drag them back to the railway station. When you get there, try to get confused by the automatic barriers if possible. All you have to do is stick your ticket in the slot so try to make it as inaccessible as possible (in your purse that's lost in one of your bags, or in Madge’s handbag that she’s left in Marks’ cafe is ideal) and, if there’s a group of you, fan out to block as many gates as possible.

Sixthly, when returning to the station, try to get there after 4.30pm if you can, then build a wall across the platform with your bags to give the commuters who are willing to walk a bit further down the platform in search of personal space a bit of it’s-a-knockout obstacle based fun. When you get on the train, block up the aisles with your bags and tut loudly every time someone asks you to move them. Once the train completely fills up (and it will) and sets off (not as certain as it filling up), moan loudly about how busy it is and how inconsiderate people are for not giving up their seat for your shopping bags.

For those whom are thinking that they already do all of this, and more, I KNOW! I’M BEING IRONIC!

Auto Express - six issues for a quid. Offer must end soon (and then immediately start up again).

Free poor quality torch/T-cut/I luv my VW Polo sew-on badge
keithyboy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Status: Married
Club Member
Membro Premio
 
braddersR's Avatar
 
Club Member Number: 650
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: United Kingdom
County: Leicestershire
Posts: 42,781
Nice rant lad
braddersR is offline  
Status: T-5 Days to Unicorn Paradise
AO Platinum Member
 
TheGrimJeeper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: France
County: Riviera
Posts: 38,319
Epic.
TheGrimJeeper is offline  
Status: Meh....
AO Platinum Member
 
Verbout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
County: West Yorkshire
Posts: 12,346
Garage

Member car:

Lexus

He's back, bless.

And they suddenly stop to speak to their partner, point to where they want to go and take someone's head off or eye out.

Last edited by Verbout; 20-12-16 at 08:03.
Verbout is offline  
Status: Daddy bear
Global Mod Team
 
bazza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Congleton - The centre of
Posts: 44,520

Member car:

AMG C63 estate

This is why I try not to go any closer to Manchester or the Trafford Centre than I have to during the period before Christmas. That period is about 3 months or so.
bazza is offline  
Status: Knackered
AO Silver Member
 
stan laurel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Preston
County: Lancashire
Posts: 4,494
Garage

Member car:

159 2.4 Ti

top rantage.

stan laurel is offline  
Status: I'm not really here
Club Member
Membro Premio
 
Club Member Number: 59
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 76,931
Garage
fine words
steveisfrowning is offline  
Status: old and tired
AO Silver Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: United Kingdom
County: Devon
Posts: 1,218
Merry Christmas. keithyboy
mick.p. is offline  
Status: 6 YEARS LYMPHOMA FREE!! :)
AO Silver Member
 
ronan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Belfast
County: Down
Posts: 4,921

Member car:

156 1.8 Turismo

Good will to all men............wb KB
ronan is offline  
Status: Coffee with MILF
AO Platinum Member
 
Al Faromeo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Netherlands
County: Limburg
Posts: 25,987
Merry Christmas to you too, KB - glad to have you back.

Rantage
Al Faromeo is offline  
Status: -
AO Silver Member
 
Harvo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: United Kingdom
County: Devon
Posts: 4,003

Member car:

Laguna, Elgrand

I was going to ask a mod to take down the rant room for the poor quality rants. No need, keithyboy is back.
Harvo is offline  
Status: age is only a number ;-)
AO Gold Member
 
rgwm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Burnley-ish
County: Lancashire
Posts: 9,487
Merry Xmas KB

Really grateful that I gave up w**k and Xmas sh*****g years ago..........

Will actually be landing back at Ringway in almost exactly 24 hours, but chilled and relaxed.....just in time to be battered by festive storm Barbara
keithyboy likes this.
rgwm is offline  
Status: Life is good atm. I do not take that for granted.
Global Mod Team
 
PaulR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: United Kingdom
County: Suffolk
Posts: 22,949
A fine rant.

Luckily I am now retired so do not have to suffer such frustrations.

I am still recently enough retired not to have become identifiable as a Christmas shopper - I do it by "stealth" i.e. away from commuting hours as I remember only too well the situations you describe.
PaulR is offline  
Status: Meh....
AO Platinum Member
 
Verbout's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
County: West Yorkshire
Posts: 12,346
Garage

Member car:

Lexus

As Paul, I also use my powers of stealth and cunning strategic planning.....get into town as early as possible and get out again before the unwashed get out of bed.

And do it midweek, but not on a market day.
Verbout is offline  
Reply

Go Back   Alfa Romeo Forum > Misc Lounges > Community Discussions > Rant Room

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome