Another relationship break up thread. - Alfa Romeo Forum
You are currently unregistered, register for more features.    
Rant Room Clean ranting only - No Swearing!

 
Thread Tools
(Post Link) post #1 of 23 Old 25-01-08 Thread Starter
Status: -
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 754
Another relationship break up thread.

Not proud of this at all. For some reason my girlfriend really winds me up, makes me irrationally and uncontrollable angry. I am appalled to say that it has driven me to violence, I have broken furniture. (Although I am extremely insistent to add I have never physically hurt her, although i'm sure it scared her.) It came to a head this afternoon and as such she is moving out as soon as she has found a property she can afford back in yorkshire and can move her business into. (I am the sole mortgage holder here, but she runs her own business from home..... and as such cannot simply 'go.')

I have felt so uncertain about this relationship for a long time now, but have tried to make it work, but the fact remains I have so many doubts, so many mixed emotions about spending and investing any more time into the relationship that I feel that breaking up is surely the best option for both of us, she deserves bettter then someone who has anger fits and is not totally commited. She however feels differently, feels that I am 'throwing things away,' despite there being this unhealthy side to the relationship, despite how I am and how she makes me feel at times. She says I am the 'best' man she has ever been with. How on earth can that be so considering how I react to things once in every two months or so! I appreciate that we have put a year and a half of our lives into this... but if its not right! If there is something rotten at the core... why try to keep it going?

I feel awful to hurt her as this will be doing, but I cannot understand why she would want to stay? This is bloody awful. Do I need some kind of counselling? She is the only person who has ever made me this agry! Its for insignificant petty things. But like clockwork once every 2 months or so I go off on one.

God this is crap.
Colinjb is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Status: Alfa, Football, Family.... In that order
AO Member
 
Karn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Jersey
County: -
Posts: 752

Member car:

156 2.5 v6

Re: Another relationship break up thread.

My X wife had the same affect on me. The only girl who who pushed all the right buttons and made my blood boil. I was with her for 7 years and 6 of them unhappy. I do however have a beautifull duaghter from the relationship so looking back I would't change anything. I did however get some counselling as I scared myself sometimes with the amount of rage I felt. Turns out the last 2 boyfriends she's had since we split have left her for the same reason.

It's not fair on either of you to carry on like this. Get some counselling. I'm sure it will make you feel better and clear a few things up about yourself, I know it did for me.

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

Owning an Alfa is not a matter of life or death...... It's much more important than that.
Karn is offline  
Status: Breraless :(
AO Platinum Member
 
Squadrone Rosso's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: United Kingdom
County: Neath Port Talbot
Posts: 30,126
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Colin. PM me mate. I've suffered from anger / destructive issues before. Pretty violent too on times although like you, never directly to my wife. You need help & I can advise if you want. Cheers, Simon.
Squadrone Rosso is offline  
Status: Broken again...
AO Platinum Member
 
GhostyDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Right Side O The Pennines
County: West Yorkshire
Posts: 25,672
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

I'd go with the counselling thing, in fact I did, it's very helpful and helps you to get things out in the open you don't even know about.

What's probably going on is her actions touch on patterns of behaviour that have caused you some hurt in the past, I can't think that you are that irrational, to be fair everybody has some level of emotional baggage but left un dealt with it can rule your life.

My then girlfriend forced me to go to a Psychologist and it turned out a lot of my **** stems from me suffering from ADHD as a child (and still do to a certain extent as an Adult), problem was that when I was a sprog ADHD didn't even exist and I'd never heard of it before seeing the Psych.

Counselling of some sort is the way to go for an objective view. Good luck mate

Nero Fuoco 147 Lusso - Bianco Nuvola 147 GTA - Carbonio Brera SV - Azzurro Le Mans GT 1600 Junior
GhostyDog is offline  
Status: One foot in, one foot out!
AO Platinum Member
 
zulu ferret's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: wgc
County: herts
Posts: 42,278
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Best remedy I have found is just get old like me, and then everything fizzles out, and becomes of no real consequence. Well, except that, when the other party is condescending, and agreeable sometimes.
zulu ferret is offline  
Status: -
AO Member
 
The Stig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 234
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Its hard to end it some time, but your in a vicous circle, My ex had been cheating on me smashed my house up, vandalised my car and posted lies about me all over the net, we constantly argued, as well as try to get me sacked from my job, yet i still thought i wanted to be with him because after everything i still loved him so much, but we did go to a councoller an that made everything worse, we split an now it was the best thing i have ever done, its strange at first but all the stress is gone, ours was after 17yrs an now i just always feel calm, try living apart for a while an se what happens, if its ment to be you'll find each other Good luck

The Stig is offline  
paintergirl
Status: - Update
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

I've been on the receiving end of this anger/destruction in my first marriage. I regretted the marriage from the first year on and stayed for eight more. In the end I feared for my own safety and also that of my son and step-daughter.

My ex went to anger management in an effort to get me back but it was two sessions and the counsellor said he was fine. If you do go to counselling make sure you get what you need. My son was subjected to his father telling him he was going to shoot my now husband. I've no idea how much damage that may have done.

I moved on and have never been happier. My ex remarried but is now divorcing again but seems more settled. We get on fine now we don't have to live together!

I wish you good luck. You are being honest about your feelings which is a very good start. Yes, do seek help from professionals but also your friends and family. You'll be surprised how much they've seen and not spoken up about.

Do PM me if you need to chat. I'd be happy to help all I can
 
Status: One foot in, one foot out!
AO Platinum Member
 
zulu ferret's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: wgc
County: herts
Posts: 42,278
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Quite consoling this thread, for us wrinkled skins, ready to drop off the tree of life! Peace and acceptance, on the relationship front. Decided way back, she doesn't like me, and I don't like her, but we endure?:
zulu ferret is offline  
Status: Making Ron Jeremy look small !
AO Platinum Member
 
howell811's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Virgin Islands (British)
County: -
Posts: 26,529

Member car:

75

Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Difficult times, all relationships have their ups and downs. Not been in this position, but the wife has in a previous relationship. You will probably feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders when it's all over.
howell811 is offline  
Status: only got a renault truck
AO Silver Member
 
jason156's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: United Kingdom
County: Powys
Posts: 3,013
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Lifes too short to be with the wrong person - or car sorry. It is better to move on, I was in your shoes, moved on had a few g/friends, then found someone who is special in so many ways, but still hard work My life is much more fulfilled now and yours will be too.
All the best pal
jason156 is offline  
Status: Ich habe entscheiden.
AO Gold Member
 
filipharvey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: United Kingdom
County: Norfolk
Posts: 7,207

Member car:

Alfa GT JTD

Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Oh god! I'm in much the same position, but as soon as it seems to be coming to a head I give up. I always manage to push it too far though. Tonight, I woke one of the kids up mid-argument by kicking one of the cupboards really hard.

I don't want to leave the relationship I'm in, but, as you do, I question why the hell she would want to be with me, someone who flies off the handle in such petty arguments. I mean, FFS, the argument tonight was about the fact I'm friends with someone she doesn't like, nor does she have to see!

Hope you get it sorted mate, and I'll just keep plodding along. Been with her for 8 or 9 years, 2 kids, and nothings gonna change here.


filipharvey is offline  
Status: Spider's on the road.
Global Mod Team
 
classicgal93's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Canada
County: British Columbia
Posts: 59,961
Garage
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zulu ferret View Post
Quite consoling this thread, for us wrinkled skins, ready to drop off the tree of life! Peace and acceptance, on the relationship front. Decided way back, she doesn't like me, and I don't like her, but we endure?:
Sorry to hear this ZF Take care.
classicgal93 is offline  
Status: Spider's on the road.
Global Mod Team
 
classicgal93's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Canada
County: British Columbia
Posts: 59,961
Garage
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Violence/aggression sometimes stems from hormones being out of wack too. It's worth checking with your Dr.
I've seen this first hand and once everything settles down the hurtful behaviour just goes away.
classicgal93 is offline  
Status: -
AO Platinum Member
 
Gary Slegg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: North Wales
Posts: 16,710
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zulu ferret View Post
Quite consoling this thread, for us wrinkled skins, ready to drop off the tree of life! Peace and acceptance, on the relationship front. Decided way back, she doesn't like me, and I don't like her, but we endure?:
Sorry to hear that ZF - but surely something is keeping you together, even if it is only the distant memory of something you once had?
Gary Slegg is offline  
Status: -
AO Platinum Member
 
Gary Slegg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: North Wales
Posts: 16,710
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

According to Jung the people we have the strongest positive feeling too are also the ones we have the strongest negative feeling too, hence the reason why we have such capacity to hate the ones we used to love.

However Colin, in your case I think you obviously have doubts about the relationship, and to be honest I think you know its time to move on. I don't think you need counselling, just time to work out what or who you really want in life.
Gary Slegg is offline  
Status: -
AO Member
 
sparkoniocv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 524
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

colin, move on NOW,and sort yourself out before your anger hurts your partner phisicaly or mentaly, go see your doctor and tell them.
sparkoniocv is offline  
Status: Breraless :(
AO Platinum Member
 
Squadrone Rosso's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: United Kingdom
County: Neath Port Talbot
Posts: 30,126
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by classicgal93 View Post
Violence/aggression sometimes stems from hormones being out of wack too. It's worth checking with your Dr.
Clare uses that old excuse to give me a good slapping for a few days every month
Squadrone Rosso is offline  
Status: One foot in, one foot out!
AO Platinum Member
 
zulu ferret's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: wgc
County: herts
Posts: 42,278
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

CG, GS, the fact that we have both changed so much over the years makes it a relationship which is so very different from what it was. As I said, we endure, and get on in a sort of companionable, working fashion.

I wonder how many couples try desperately hard to please each other, by doing things together,in the early days, when in reality, one or the other, may not really like a certain thing, but goes along with the others wishes at the time?

I have always liked dancing, and initially I thought she was also a fan. Years later it transpired, she really disliked dancing, but had never told me that fact previously.

I'm a homing pigeon, whereas she has the wanderlust to travel. We did plenty together in the earlier years of our relationship, but now I prefer to stay at home, whereas she still wants to roam. So, I just accept she travels sometimes with her mum, and I do my thing at home. Suits, in a matter of fact way.

As I said earlier, we endure, but the romantic, need to be together factor, has evaporated really, but we have both accepted our differences, and are content with it being thus. I'm a bit of a romantic, whereas she is not: No real problems, but how people change with the passage of time is most remarkable? To me, anyway.:
zulu ferret is offline  
Status: Spider's on the road.
Global Mod Team
 
classicgal93's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Canada
County: British Columbia
Posts: 59,961
Garage
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zulu ferret View Post
CG, GS, the fact that we have both changed so much over the years makes it a relationship which is so very different from what it was. As I said, we endure, and get on in a sort of companionable, working fashion.

I wonder how many couples try desperately hard to please each other, by doing things together,in the early days, when in reality, one or the other, may not really like a certain thing, but goes along with the others wishes at the time?

I have always liked dancing, and initially I thought she was also a fan. Years later it transpired, she really disliked dancing, but had never told me that fact previously.

I'm a homing pigeon, whereas she has the wanderlust to travel. We did plenty together in the earlier years of our relationship, but now I prefer to stay at home, whereas she still wants to roam. So, I just accept she travels sometimes with her mum, and I do my thing at home. Suits, in a matter of fact way.

As I said earlier, we endure, but the romantic, need to be together factor, has evaporated really, but we have both accepted our differences, and are content with it being thus. I'm a bit of a romantic, whereas she is not: No real problems, but how people change with the passage of time is most remarkable? To me, anyway.:

Very nicely put ZF. We do change over time and most of us accept it.
classicgal93 is offline  
Status: Spider's on the road.
Global Mod Team
 
classicgal93's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Canada
County: British Columbia
Posts: 59,961
Garage
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squadrone Rosso View Post
Clare uses that old excuse to give me a good slapping for a few days every month

It works for men also SR, you and your testosterone, too much and aggression takes over the personality.
classicgal93 is offline  
Status: -
AO Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: wrexham, north wales
Posts: 59

Member car:

alfasud trike

Re: Another relationship break up thread.

you both need time apart to realise whats important.
while your stuck together its gonna end in tears
alfasudtrike is offline  
Status: -
AO Silver Member
 
Jason 156's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: United Kingdom
County: South Yorkshire
Posts: 1,490
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Stig View Post
Its hard to end it some time, but your in a vicous circle, My ex had been cheating on me smashed my house up, vandalised my car and posted lies about me all over the net, we constantly argued, as well as try to get me sacked from my job, yet i still thought i wanted to be with him because after everything i still loved him so much, but we did go to a councoller an that made everything worse, we split an now it was the best thing i have ever done, its strange at first but all the stress is gone, ours was after 17yrs an now i just always feel calm, try living apart for a while an se what happens, if its ment to be you'll find each other Good luck
There are two sides to every story...unfortunatly some will only ever believe there side and wont dare tell anyone what realy happened as they fear the fact that they will be seen in an equally bad light!
Jason 156 is offline  
Status: Spider's on the road.
Global Mod Team
 
classicgal93's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Canada
County: British Columbia
Posts: 59,961
Garage
Re: Another relationship break up thread.

In every relationship there are 2 people. Coming to terms with all the negative energy without spreading lies or doing harm to one another will help the healing process progress faster. I wish you well.
classicgal93 is offline  
Reply

Go Back   Alfa Romeo Forum > Misc Lounges > Community Discussions > Rant Room

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome