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Old 11-06-2008   #1 (Post Link)
Jed
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Cheese Mental Hospital phone menu

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you .

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6 .

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call .

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press .

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway .

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696 .

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep . Please wait for the beep .

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9 . If you have short-term memory loss, press 9 . If you have short-term memory loss, press 9 .

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry You won't be crazy forever .

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up


"Music can name the un-nameable and communicate the unknowable."
[Leonard Bernstein]

"Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite"
[Spike Milligan (1919-2002)]

"I'm living on a one-way dead-end street......
........I don't know how I ever got there........"

[Steven Wright]
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Old 11-06-2008   #2 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Very good
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Old 11-06-2008   #3 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

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Old 11-06-2008   #4 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu



Love it!
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Old 11-06-2008   #5 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

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Old 11-06-2008   #6 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Originally Posted by rayq81 View Post
Very good
As an outspoken chap Ray about many issues, I'm amazed laughing at peoples illness's is your bag??

Funny no jokes about Americans, or disabled people.............but the mental ones...fine.....

I'm, bipolar myself, so one of my personalities finds this funny, the other one finds Ray a hypocrite....

Jed not blaming you for posting dude, jsut funny how some things are acceptable still to laugh at in 2008.

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Old 11-06-2008   #7 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Sorry, i feel bad now, it is funny......but wish we could make jokes about everyone not just some on here......

i'm a grump.......ignore me...
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Old 11-06-2008   #8 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Originally Posted by GranTurismo View Post
Jed not blaming you for posting dude, jsut funny how some things are acceptable still to laugh at in 2008.

To be honest GT - I was in two minds whether to, (or at least change the title), or not. In the end I gave in to my ever-increasing-meldrewism, held my breath and pushed da' button

Fair point about modern day acceptable humour - although let's leave that for a separate thread to debate
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Old 11-06-2008   #9 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

What do you call an American Man with no arm's and legs....... Bob...





there we go thats everyone covered







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Old 11-06-2008   #10 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Originally Posted by GranTurismo View Post
As an outspoken chap Ray about many issues, I'm amazed laughing at peoples illness's is your bag??

Funny no jokes about Americans, or disabled people.............but the mental ones...fine.....

I'm, bipolar myself, so one of my personalities finds this funny, the other one finds Ray a hypocrite....

Jed not blaming you for posting dude, jsut funny how some things are acceptable still to laugh at in 2008.

Is that really necessary ? spoiling someones thread again because you have some personal issues ?. You dont make friends easy do you ? what was it ? bullied at school ? get a grip and get off my case.
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Old 11-06-2008   #11 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

I got slated a while back for posting a joke not disimalr........ Strange ???

Cheers To All
Peter
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Old 11-06-2008   #12 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Originally Posted by Jed View Post
To be honest GT - I was in two minds whether to, (or at least change the title), or not. In the end I gave in to my ever-increasing-meldrewism, held my breath and pushed da' button

Fair point about modern day acceptable humour - although let's leave that for a separate thread to debate
Jed wasn't blaming the reason for posting it, we should have freedom to post pretty much anything really within reason, and it IS funny!!!

Believe me though they are all disabilities in extreme cases, i'm lucky i can still work and have a 'normal' life, but i've seen some shocking sights in mental wards......anyway like you say another thread.........

peace, sorry to disrupt thread, i'm not a militant.....

honest!!
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Old 11-06-2008   #13 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Originally Posted by GranTurismo View Post
Sorry, i feel bad now, it is funny......but wish we could make jokes about everyone not just some on here......

i'm a grump.......ignore me...
Originally Posted by rayq81 View Post
Is that really necessary ?
Ray - I think GT already answered your question.

@Mr Ferdi -
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Old 11-06-2008   #14 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Originally Posted by rayq81 View Post
Is that really necessary ? spoiling someones thread again because you have some personal issues ?. You dont make friends easy do you ? what was it ? bullied at school ? get a grip and get off my case.
Hi Ray, what a lovely old man you are, issues?

Did you not long ago hijack a joke thread, make a fool of yourself and then edit your post...?

and please stop insulting me personally. bipolar is an illness, would you mock me if was diasbled Ray?????
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Old 11-06-2008   #15 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Originally Posted by GranTurismo View Post
As an outspoken chap Ray about many issues, I'm amazed laughing at peoples illness's is your bag??

Funny no jokes about Americans, or disabled people.............but the mental ones...fine.....

I'm, bipolar myself, so one of my personalities finds this funny, the other one finds Ray a hypocrite....

Jed not blaming you for posting dude, jsut funny how some things are acceptable still to laugh at in 2008.

Since when did manic depression mean you had more than one personality?
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Old 11-06-2008   #16 (Post Link)
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Re: Mental Hospital phone menu

Jed / guys i'm sorry, i'll leave thread alone now, MODS don't close it i'll not come back on this thread again....
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Old 11-06-2008   #17 (Post Link)
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