Rude World...

Lord Snooty · 22-02-2008

On my frequent trips to Germany, I pass a sign off the autobahn directing you to Wankum. Such is my juvenile sense of humour that it never fails to amuse me. I have often wondered what other similar treasures exist in the Geographical world, and indeed, during a quieter afternoon at work, I checked out Microsoft Encarta World Atlas, and embarked on the slightly more modern form of looking up rude words in the dictionary. Here follows my travels…

I found Wankum straight away and set off from there. Not far away was the even better Wank - also in Germany. Imagine my delight at spotting this one so soon. Not finding too much in the immediate vicinity of Wank, I chose to type in random words, which proved far more fruitful.

I found an Asse in Belgium, a Bastard in Sweden, saw a Fanny in West Virginia, and the fantastic Bo!!ock in the Philippines. After seeing a Bellend in Norway, next was a Tit in Algeria followed closely by a Tit n Sagga in Morocco. From Cak in Hungary, I went to Suck Creek again in West Virginia, followed by Toad Suck in Arkansas, then Willie Point in Australia. The USA was obviously going to prove very productive, and indeed then threw up the fantastic trio of Knob, Knob Creek, and Knob Lick, all in Missouri. Knobs proved plentiful when I saw the White Knob Mountains / Bald Knob / Blue Knob / Bucks Knob / Chestnut Knob / Cobblers Knob / the brilliant Gobblers Knob and Penny Knob. I also saw Red Knob / Round Knob / Stoney Knob (wince) / Turkeys Knob and Gap in Knob.

All knobbed out I then visited Labia in Belgium, Sllut in Sweden, and when I reached Fuchu in Japan, I thought that Asia was going to be a big help with Fuch variants, and indeed Japan also then gave me Fuk Tak Kung, with Thailand giving me Fuku Island, and then Ban Tha Fuk, which I won’t recommend. However, it was Austria that proved king with the superb Fuk Am An See, as well as the beautifully simple Fuc*ing.

A quick trip around Dick in Massachusetts brought me all too quickly to Clap Pond, Crab Creek and finally Scab Hill, in the same state. Perhaps I should have used the Condom I found in France. Other Dicks of the world include Dick Mtunda in Zambia, Dicks Well in Australia and Giles Brandreth. The River Screw runs, albeit only alphabetically, into Shag Point in New Zealand. The River Minger is in Russia, and - not to be outdone on the list of risqué bodies of water - the River of Spunk flows straight out of Iowa.

How about those taking a different path of exploration? Well, there’s Poof in Togo, Gay duki in Russia, Benders Corner in New Jersey, Bum Bum in Venezuela, a Bender in Somalia, and literally millions of Gays all over the place.

Coming nearer home we can see a Muff in County Donegal, as well as one in Pennsylvania. From the excellent Minge in Haiti, I was diverted by a Ponce in Puerto Rico, and, by way of Flat Nora of Sweden, we touch a Vagina in Russia, a Cun*e in Peru, and the lovely Clit in Romania. Pussy in France sounds promising, whereas I was in no rush to see Anchovy Bottom in Jamaica. Beaver Bottom in Kentucky sounded better, and what a goldmine a Bottom can be. I’ve got a Black Bottom, Beech Bottom, Broad Bottom, Mossy Bottom, Peach Bottom, Round Bottom, and a quite Superior Bottom - all of which are in the United States of Arseholes. Whilst we’re on the subject of more toilet humour, it should be interesting for you to note that you can have a Slash in Virginia, a ****** in France, a Poo in Ghana, a Shat in the Sudan, a Puke in Albania, a Fartt in Russia, a Krappe in Germany, and a Pispis in Indonesia.

Fancy a Bonk in Ethiopia - most of them haven’t got the energy - and the way to Bonku is in the Congo. There’s a Shaft in Pennsylvania, and with plenty of Bangs available worldwide, you can Bang Su, Bang Bo, Bang Ben, Bang Victor, Bang Phat, and Bang Pu. Top tourist site in Australia is the Bang Bang Waterhole. Lower on the list is Nigeria, which appears to have quite a few Tossas, as does Sweden. Pratts abound, whilst Poland has a Plonka. I believe Canada is very proud of its Dildo.

Can I now direct you to W*nk Kiu in Myanmar, which for some of you older w*nkers used to be Burma, and finally W*nk Wink which can be found, eyes half closed, in Papua New Guinea. Which inevitably brings me back to W*nkum, the source of my quest, and by now a name that has since been usurped by many - not least my two favourites as follows:

On my travels, no place had such an emotive name - such a fully descriptive and welcoming title - to have everyone within reach rushing to sample it’s splendour, and to make all its inhabitants proud to utter their place of origin: Sh!t in Iran. When I visit, I plan to get it twinned with Peterborough.

Having seen these exotic and interesting places, I wish to take residence somewhere closer to home. Somewhere quiet, but with an address to make me want to send letters all over the world, and to get a reel of those sticky address labels immediately. I plan to settle in the Shetland Islands, in the wonderful village of Twatt.

I hope none were offended by my travels...after all...you could find them in chidren's world atlas...

I thank you

LS

jay w · 22-02-2008

very funny

Will · 22-02-2008

Yes, I've been to Wankum many times and it caused no end of mirth. especially when coupled with the site of a container truck with "Handjin" on the side taking the "Ausfahrt" slip road.......