my trusty old garlic crusher has been a loyal servant over the years. it may have only cost about £2 from asda donkeys years ago but in that time must've obliterated half of france, and raised my levels of culinary expertise from 'completely and utterly atrocious' to the heady heights of 'mildly crap'. it's become like an old friend but, alas, it gave up the ghost last week...
arise its replacement: the jamie oliver
garlic crusher, no less. mrs al, in her infinite wisdom, has placed her faith (and hard earned dosh) in this plastic monstrosity from him with the lithp that fills half the cutlery drawer. i used it for the first time about an hour ago and - let's not beat around the bush here - it's the ****test kitchen implement in the history of kitchen implements, perhaps even in the history of mankind. how this EVER got signed off by somebody as suitable for market will go down as one of the great mysteries of the universe. i could crush garlic batter with my arms in a straight jacket and armed with nothing more than a feather duster and a pair of elf socks. just cos his tongue is 12 sizes too big for his gob and everybody hates him, shouldn't give him reason to inflict his monumental cack-handery on the world of kitchen implements.
he's spoilt my day, watsed mrs al's money and - purely to spite the mockney t**t - i'm now going to feed my kids nothing but McHappy meals, sweets and disgustingly-coloured fizzy drinks for a whole month