Wow! This stuff really is incredible and I've recently found another use for it.
Read on "My dearest dark-art friends" , for here is a guide on how to terminate the relationship with a friend, relative or Neighbour. In this guide, I'll mainly be concentrating on a Neighbour termination, but we'll touch on relatives too depending on how the day goes.
Things you'll need are:
1x small bottle of a Diesel Rhino- note this must have a top that doesn't quite seal properly and the internal weep seal must be punctured.
1x 470 litre roofbox- it's imperative that this is borrowed, you must not own this yourself. You can use smaller than 470L, but as you can fit more presents in a large roofbox, the greater the effect of this exercise.
A reserve of the filthiest profanity you can muster up.
The best looking estate car in the world- you'll need a Black 159 TI for this- I've checked with God and he confirms this.
Things you don't need-
Rubber gloves- please steer clear of these as they'll ruin the whole process.
Kitchen roll- make sure whoever's house you are staying at have pretty much run out of this.
First thing to do is pack the roofbox to the brim with Christmas presents.
Now get your bottle of Diesel Rhino and because you know it's ridiculously smelly, wrap it in plenty of cling film then stand it upright, making sure it can't fall over.
Drive for a few hours and then depending on much you want to completely destroy any relationships, either unpack the presents or leave them in for another day or so.
I unpacked the presents as I didn't fancy being totally outcast.
If you decide to unpack, make sure the Diesel Rhino turns 90 degrees clockwise! this will ensure the funky fluid has free flow. It's essential at this point to do a few more miles of driving, preferably on twisty, rutted roads, this ensures the redolence gets to as much as the roofbox as possible.
Allow to sit overnight, then as you open the lock to put opened presents in, gasp at the wonderful aroma that has been created in your Neighbour's roofbox. Probably best not to have a cigarette in your mouth at this point as you might explode.
This is the point where you'll be really glad there are no rubber gloves or Kitchin roll, best bet is to only panic an extreme amount at this point. Okay "my friends of the black 'precious'", now is the time to release the copious amounts of profanity, let it go like you're carpet bombing Brussels.
Now is the time to grab the Diesel Rhino, massage the pungent fluid into your bare hands as you wrestle to remove the layers of sodden cling film, try to flick plenty of it onto your jeans and T-Shirt too. In fact as you've part ruined your T shirt you can now use it to mop up the (approx) 170ml of Rhino from the roofbox, again whilst doing this, be sure to keep massaging the fluid into your hands and keep the profanity levels peaking.
You can discard the T-Shirt and cling film into your Bro in law's bin now, just be sure you're there when he opens the bin because it's relatively hilarious watching his reaction.
Have a check back on the roofbox now to realise your attempts at cleaning are futile and begin to conjure up lies to tell your Neighbour.
You'll be needing a shower now to shift the Oil of Rhino hand cream you've been using. Plenty of soap and hot water will not help in the slightest, so dry yourself off and prance around the house to the new CD 'what's that effing stink' by The Inlaws. But wait, what's that Xmas pressie you're young Daughter has bought for you???? Whoop, whoop it's Eau de Cologne from Superdrug, resplendent in its mouthwash green form and smelling like the shower department of Fitness first.
Douse your hands with the stuff like you're John the Baptist then eject the CD and put the next one in 'what's that effing smell vol 2'.
No, it's not shifting from my hands, Christmas dinner is going to be fantastic! Guess who'll be volunteering to wash up?
If anyone wants to add to this thread, for instance if anyone knows how to shift this stuff from plastic without using meths, turps, thinners etc I'm all ears as I quite like my Neighbour and I don't particularly want to buy a £400 roofbox, much better to rent it with alcohol tokens.
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